always a tragedy before christmas...

it never fails. it always happens. we can only wonder. why does it always happen before christmas?

it's just weird to hear mixed reactions yesterday as most people in metro manila were really looking forward to face Reming. I suppose the excitement was built up by the most recent typhoon Milenyo which was really intense. but aren't we all supposed to be thankful that we were spared?

i saw the pictures. and ive been reporting the news since yesterday...and i just couldn't help but think about how christmas would be like for the families affected. i just hope we could do our part in helping. i know i would. in my own little way. i need not say that you could to...

a prayer or two will actually do.

a need to whine...

Everyone's pretty occupied with the Pacquiao-Morales fight. The usual busy packed streets are amazingly clean and clear. Meanwhile, ABS CBN's been raking in the money from the sponsors. Bleeding it to the last drop. Geez. I just hope Manny brings this one home...

Well anyway, I'm not about to whine about that, I am whining about someone... I saw him today. But he didn't even say hi. I dunno what's wrong. I just hope he's really busy. It's been days, not that I should be affected. But I guess I am. See, this is what I really don't like about me. I kept to myself for too long and now, I've been missing this person so much. I am so tempted to tell him, but I just might turn him off. That's the last thing I would want now. Although I am feeling ultra sensitive about it right now, I know it's just the hormones working. Honestly, I don't think I can handle a relationship anymore anyway. I dunno. I'm just playing it cool for now.

Speaking of playing it cool, an old friend just made his presence felt. I didn't know that he's a regular reader of my blog. So HELLO THERE... this is about you alright. Nice to hear from you. and yeah, I'd definitely want to mess around with you..hahahaha.

Anyway, my spirit is picking up. It's starting to rain. Think it's time for me to get ready to go to the grocery. Ahhh, the life---retail therapy still rocks my socks!!!hehehehe.

three's never a crowd...

One of the few perks from working at trapik.com is working with great people. People I become attached to. People I've grown to love and respect. People I love to be associated with. People I've come to be super friends with. From the djs to my co workers..to my seatmates and even Manong July, my stay at trapik would always be cherished. Not that I'm leaving anytime soon. Although I should, to pursue other things, but I dunno, I just love the place. What other job would give you as much freedom, as much fun, as much great characters than our little company? (Well, uhmmmh, dream is also a great place to work in...but I'll write something about it later)

Anyway, I am getting very warm and nostalgic about trapik all of a sudden following my brief but nonetheless wonderful encounter over lunch, with two of the great finds at trapik: Karen and Dindi. Ofcourse Karen was my ever worry wart seatmate back then while Dindi was her friend. Eventually we all became friends and I even get to work with Dindi after her stint at trapik. Both are younger than I am but when it comes to other stuff, believe me, I am left way behind. Hahahaha... I really feel so blessed having known these two. I am really genuinely happy that both of them are able to live their dreams of being part of the industry that I so love. I mean, not a lot of people are given this much opportunity. And being such an old school dj that I am, I would only want those deserving to be called my colleagues. I mean radio is still and should always be about the voice and the personality amalgamating with the music and the personality of the station. Never about the looks as the new school of radio is trying to pervade. You know even if we don't earn as much as all those big time managers and executives from those multinational companies and shit like that, I am very much happy with my job. The trade off is worth it. I suppose this is where I get my youth. Not that I have Peter Pan tendencies, it's just that, the reality is I am not getting any younger and for some people, this industry may not be too kind even to the gracefully aging beings like me. But I always believed that if you're good, you'll always have a place. That's al there is. Your passion will drive you and give what's due for you. This may sound as if I'm romanticizing it all, but corny as it may, I really feel that there's a substantial amount of truth to it.

Anyway, back to Dindi and Karen, I am so happy that finally, our dear Sexy Terry is over her big mistake that was Eric. I always know that good things happen to good people, and she's done her part and now she's at peace with herself. I also wish Dindi would finally find her true happiness, be it migrating to Canada, or finding her own Borat, a willing and abled guy who could sweep her off her feet, make her laugh and simply just ...you know, satisfy her. Hahahaha.. (she might get to read this, patay!) Anyway, aside from these two being so in-the-know, I am also thankful to them for changing my perspective on purchasing great brands in a heartbeat. I mean, I've always loved Marks & Spencer, especially when they go on sale but did you know that years ago, I'd be adamant to spend my hard earned moolah in a snap on branded stuff. But all that changed when Karen was convincing enough to tell me that Topshop aint that pricey for such quality. And after a few shopping bags from that fantastic store, I am indeed a convert. Even drawn to Dorothy Perkins. Meanwhile Dindi's contributions are Dupe and Debenhams.

Last night I was also with an old friend. My old boss Sir Brent was in the neighborhood while me and Grace were having dinner at Kitaro. Grace had a scheduled interview at around 10, so we just had a nice warm dinner to pass time. Sir Brent was walking down Emerald and saw me and went in and we tried to catch up. The chitchat went on til Grace had to leave, and Kitaro had to close. So we decided to relocate to Starbucks as he was craving for some hot tea. It's nice to see him lose a lot of weight. Looks better now and he seems more at peace now more than ever. Again, good things happen to good people. Just a little work and patience. Can't wait to see the other guys from Home, if only Pancho could come visit. I miss getting drunk and wasted with those blokes. Hahahaha...

See, I am really really happy with the kind of friends I have. And so if I may suggest, try to choose your friends--you can always do so. It's not a crime. Nothing wrong with being friendly, but make sure you keep a considerable distance to those you don't really like. Sometimes being too polite could keep you from choosing your friends or the people you keep for company. I'd say, don't ever ever give in to the pressures. I am telling you--YOU can choose your friends. I am happy with my choices now. Never been happier.

we ride... yeah we ride we ride...

The week just went by so fast. It's already friday and I am so stoked for the scheduled sale later at galleria. Can't wait to get my hands on a new pair of shoes I'd been eyeing for a month and something from my favorite shops, Topshop and Dorothy Perkins. Now, don't get me wrong. I'm not at all materialistic or anywhere near that. It's just that I am a strong believer in the healing power of retail therapy. hahahahaha...

I feel I need to reward myself for working hard and just keeping it steady despite outbursts of problems here and there. See, I don't really live a perfect life but thank god for my jobs and my family, even if certain things don't go my way all the time, I can still find something good about the kind of work I have and the kind of people I am around with.

These days, it's still my masters that's been a constant bother. I am back to thinking if if I should still pursue it or what. By next academic year, I'd be on my 6th year and anyone from UP would very well know about the MRR... Meaning, should I wish to continue, I'd already have penalty courses. And the stressing will ofcourse carry on...dang!!! I figured, I've really experience just about everything I never got to experience back in college. Imagine, enrolling prerog, getting an incomplete, changing of matriculation and so on an so forth. Hay... but I filed for residency this semester and I did it the hard way. It took me three days to finish everything. I went there last Tuesday, but there weren't any advisers available. I was running so late. Then Wednesday came...I was able to finish with the form 5 and all but twas past 1130 and so I wasn't able to pay. I asked Dindi for a huge favor, but just my luck, she got there 432...and you know how these UP police are... power trip anyone???

So I had to go back Thursday for another rendezvous with the UP community. It was no more than 10 minutes of waiting and so I had enough time to go around the Shopping Center which I so missed. Went to the coop and got me some drinks. Was thinking of buying stuff for baking but had to restrain myself. There were just too many. hahahahaha... Anyhow, thank god, the day went by smoothly. Wasnt late for Dream and the manong cabbie was nice. I still had time to make chika with Miss J when I got there.

Speaking of Miss J, we were just talking about birth control methods and all yesterday, for what reason I shant disclose. Hahahaha. But anyway, I was just saying earlier on that I'm back to age 23,well hell yeah. I am back. I used to think that I wouldnt have kids and not even get married. And for a brief moment, I was convinced that I should. But again, things happened. Now, I have decided. No kids for me. How about a husband? What for? Maybe a life partner but we dont have to get married and complicate things even more. But anyhow, I'd have to pay my ob-gyne a visit, needa be popping pills again but I'm so intrigued by how that injectible works. Hmmmh.

I was thinking of getting a haircut this weekend. I think I'm going out tomorrow with some friends for lunch. Tonight's still free. But I have alaready made plans for Sunday and the rest of the coming week. And boy oh boy are we in for a lot of waiting in line and all. Papers are almost ready. But I've been having second thoughts now if I'm gonna leave the country for good. Cold feet...Canada is no fun. If I could bring all my friends with me, my god, that'd be the best. But I dunno. Lots of thinking and pondering. I have a beautiful house here. A car. I've got everything here and so much more. I know if I would give it sometime, I'll get the same stuff there but it wouldnt be the same...

My dad would say it over and over again to me that we all chart our destiny. Told him, doesnt take a rock scientist to figure that out, but he said, I need to be constantly reminded... being the bratty stubborn kid I am...hahahaha.. It's a good thing my parents did not meddle so much with my life... I mean they didn't pressure me to be this and that and all. They made me decide on my own. They dont even care if I make munny or not. See, this is exactly what I'd miss if I leave everything behind. My mom doesnt want to leave while my dad can't because he had to take all my brothers police records. Yep, twas the easiest way to fix my bro's probs, and he being the junior, my dad just decided to take the liabilities. Hay...

By the way snaps for me, my biz is doing well. And I'm actually thinking of expanding to other items. Hmmmh... I'll see.

Oooh, I was able to swing by the gym last night. Had a blast doing 30 minutes on the treadmill and strengthening my arms and legs. Did some for the abs too minus the machine. My arms are kinna shaky already. I think I overdid it..hahahaha. But yeah, I am loving the gym again. I hope this will carry on. There's a good deal being offered to me, around 11 grand for 14 months. which I think I'd get, so I'm again saving up for that. I still have to come up with 10 grand for Ayie's shocks...

I really think it's going to be a great friday all the way... I dunno why but I just feel it.

filling the blanks...

I hate this sappy sentimental mode. And as Candy Dulfer does a Reba in the background, I write away my thoughts as if they are my truths.

We spoke again today...but even with the exchange of words, I have my doubts of any connection between us. Sadly. But it's not that I'm dying for us to have any. Actually, I have to be thankful to this person because I was able to realize that I haven't been living for the past four years. It was only last year to this day that I gave myself enough credit.

I think it's about time I live my life. I should stop being too hard on myself and just let it flow. I even feel that I am back at 23. Yes, I was 23 when things were really happening for me and I was happy and carefree and have a better view of the future. Now that I am partly living the future I had hoped for back then, I just wanna go back. But then I also remember I was 23 when I first got my heart broken so badly. I've gotten over it, and even regret getting myself in that kind of situation. But just the same, I am thankful if only for the experience. The getting over part is such a familiar feeling now. I'd gladly go through it to bring my life back.

Come to think of it, if I hadn't been hurt before, I would already be so messed up by now following all the regret and ill feelings towards this person who recently broke my heart because of years and years of lies. I have already given this person so much of my life only to tell me in the end that he lied. Now when I look back, I dunno if there's anything he said that was true. But the good news is I was over this person in a heartbeat the moment he said that he lied. Twas easy to forgive too. Surprisingly. I suppose, it's useless to really dwell on it. The weird thing is, I've already forgiven this person for the wasted years, but this person just had to take my mailbox and a blog down with him. But it's water under the bridge . I am so over that part of my life.

I'll be turning 31 soon. It's about time I live my life without intellectualizing every move I make. A lot has changed anyway. I'm braver and more relaxed now just as I was , when i was 23...

back tracking on a some-such Thursday morning...

Thank you is the new OK. It just became apparent to me more than any other time when you want to end a not so welcome conversation, all you have to is to say thank you. But ofcourse this is assuming that the other person is not too giddy nor too self-centered and insensitive. Which will probably be the case since any conversation with such a person who is giddy, self-centered and insensitive would not be welcomed. Anyway, I brought this up because yesterday, a friend said, her long time bf now an ex was tryna make conversation thru text. Ofcourse she wasn't interested anymore so what does she say? Your guess is as good as mine. An ice cold Thank You will always do the trick. Not in my book though. If I'm uninterested in making conversation, I leave it to body language and not say a word. I always think that a mere word is even too much to give to a person so undeserving of my time. My time is precious and moreso my thoughts and my words. This is what I've realized the past few. That from now on, I shant waste my time on things, especially people who cannot be trusted nor those who are just about feeding on one's vulnerabilities.

Speaking of vulnerabilities, I am about to give in to this "thing". Hahahaha. Funny how I'd regard it as such. Well, let's just say this thing puts a smile on my face. Gets me thinking about it even long after I've exposed myself to it. In a nutshell, it does make me happy. And who knows I could even be happier if I just give it a try. A friend said, what have I got to lose? Well aside from the technicalities of one thing, I might actually enjoy it too much, I might not be able to get over it and I just might become addicted. (hmmmh, no pun intended--promise!)

Anyway, today I started with my biz venture with my mom, reselling nice bags at el cheapo price tags. I went to the main shop with mama earlier but our contact person has yet to arrive. So I had to leave already and just trust my mama's taste. I got to sell 3 bags already. Without really trying so hard. The bags are real pretty anyway...no need to really do some salestalk. hehehehe.. I'm happy about it-- really!!!

Cheers to my endeavors!!! hehehe...

of christenings and reminiscing...

Even if all I had hopes of hitting the spa yesterday, I didn't get to go. and why? I got myself splurging on stuff along the way. Hahaha. I got me some new possessions: a nice black and white tote bag, 3 new blouses and 1 pricey pair of jeans. And for what? Well, I just find shopping therapeutic. I was smiling ear to ear carrying all the shopping bags as I looked on for other potential buys. When I got home, my mom said I might be sick already, but then she was quick to realize too, that what'd I do naman with my hard-earned munny--ofcourse, spend it--right???

Massage will come in later and it's fo-sho!!! My mom's even going with me.

Anyway going back to yesterday: My mom and I came up with this chocolate bouquet for Cha and the kids. It turned out well and it made a great centerpiece for the gifts table, if I may say. Hahahaha. I think my mom and I are going to make a career out of it. May dad even said: may racket na naman kayo!!!

So off I went to Cha's at around 4pm'ish. I took Ayee with me. I had a hard time parking, if it weren't for Johann. Ever the helpful friend that he is, he found me a spot. Yey. But you should have seen how frustrated I was not being able to have it any easier. Bwehehehehe. After parking, Johann and I went in and Cha welcomed me and asked me together with Johann to go up and see the baby. We didn't catch him there. Apparently, he was in the living room with yaya. Photo ops, ofcourse. Weeeee, I got to carry Baby Philip Richard. He was so tiny and cute. You know how much of a sucker for kids I am... anyhoo, it's so weird cuz yaya thought that me and Johann were a couple cuz Kuya Bannie took a picture of us with the baby. Oh no!!! Anyway, after the photo ops, I joined Miss J and Nel and teacher Dottie and a friend. Lem was there too very busy with his gameboy. The food was great as always. Cha really has a knack for these things. I absolutely loved the lengua and the mixed veggies. After eating and catching up with Nel and meeting teacher Dottie, Miss J and I went outside to wait for Renee and Sir Gines. Johann was there and he was smoking with a certain Cocoy and if I'm not mistaken, he's from Crossover. Anyway, Kuya Bannie joined us again and we were talking and talking when Sir Gines got there in a few. He did gain some weight but he still looked great. I miss his antics and boy, oh boy, are we in for a night full of such? You can bet on it!

We sat in a table together with Toni and her husband. Toni's actually a former Kool talent who's now at WRR. Sir Gines didn't wanna eat yet and so we spent most of the time tryna catch up with everyone's life. Renee came in late. Fashionably at that. Apparently, she had to run some errands for her folks. It would be the first time that she and Johann would be in the same event since they broke up last year. Hmmmh. Anyway, it turned out well and we all got lost in our conversations about love, life and the past. Even Ricky Reyes and Chika Mo, Chika Ko were topics not spared for the wonderful evening. The exchange of stories just kept on coming, but then me and Miss J had to call it a night since we were both getting sleepy. Keep in mind that I started the day quite early. Not to mention I was driving too. So a little before 9 I was already on the road home. Miss J and Kuya Bannie hitched a ride with me, and for the first time I'd be driving at night, by my lonesome and over at no less than Elliptical Road..wohoo!!! I arrived safe and sound and just 10 minutes before a downpour.

Uncle got me worried about Ayee though. He said he smelled something burnt. That got me worried too since he also pointed out a trail of liquid from where I came from to where I parked. But I checked the temp and all the gauges for any possible abnormalities but I thought everything was fine. And it was, just that the steering fluid, according to my dad, was already spent.

Anyway, the day ended well. I was sound asleep by around 12midnight. I waited for Venus to go online but she didn't, and so I was able to finish the music video I made for Chanchan and Leclec. I hope to put it up soon if I could. Hehehehe. I'm still tryna figure out how to use Adobe Audition so I could cut the music shorter.

I'm still missing my Chanchan. = ( but I'm thankful for days like these. Makes me feel blessed. It's just so wonderful that christenings are the just about the perfect time for reminiscing. It keeps you in touch with yourself and what you've become with the people around you helping you remember where you've been and why exactly you're doing what you're doing. Hahaha.

addicted to...

Bamboo was doing a Marley earlier and it got me thinking of how I've been impatient lately. Then I realize how it must have been for my baby. I know he's been waiting for me for more than a week now. Tsk.

My patience is being tested every single day. And right now, while I'm supposed to be doing the playlist, I take time off to write. It's just there's too much in my head at this very moment. I can't seem to concentrate on doing just one thing. After this I'm heading straight to the spa. My feet and my back are just about hurting like hell. I've been coughing incessantly since I got here. I suppose the allergies are catching on early.

To date, I've spent 5k on medicines for the past two weeks and yet I haven't fully recovered. I really don't like going to the doctors for the checkups. I mean, I wouldn't really wanna find out what's wrong with me. It'll drive me nuts. I've been feeling pain all over the body, not to mention my asthma is at its peak these days.

I'm so hungry. But I've decided to fix my life and start thinking about my health. Hope to get back to the gym Monday, which reminds me, I have to hook up with Tina Dy and Mays my friend. Oh man, I miss so many things. But I suppose, everything happens for a reason so I really need not worry. Just need to focus and do what I have to...

Christmas next month. Oh boy, oh boy....

It's a choice: Vancouver, Buffalo or Jacksonville.hmmmh. Damn.

gasping for air...

It's another terrible day I'm tryna survive. I've my extra 250 already so I should be able to buy me some drugs. Hahahaha. I'm the addict asthmatic. I hope to fully recuperate by next week. Looking forward to the massage and the christening tomorrow... can't wait to see Sir Gines and the rest of the guys from Kool.

Oh, I'm spent.

bringing back the wave...

The handshakeSeals the contract

From the contractTheres no turning

backThe turning pointOf a career

In korea, being insincereThe holidayWas fun packed

The contractStill intact

The grabbing handsGrab

all they canAll for themselvesAfter all

Its a competitive world

Everything counts in large amounts

The graphOn the wall

Tells the storyOf it all

Picture it nowSee just howThe lies and deceit

Gained a little more power

Confidence

Taken inBy a sun tanAnd a grinThe grabbing hands

Grab all they canAll for themselvesAfter allIts a competitive world

Everything counts in large amounts

The grabbing handsGrab all they canEverything counts in large amounts

early friggin retirement

I just realized how much I've lost when my stupid email retired itself. I just found out that my adviser just left for the states and would be back sometime in January. Meaning I wouldn't really know if she approved the draft I sent her and I really dunno what to do this coming semester, being the "great" student that I am. All because of a stupid fucking email glitch.

You see, it ain't just a fucking address book. Oh, it's more than that. It's prolly less than a way of life, but it's more than just a fucking address book.

Oh yeah, some trouble. Great, just email everyone a new email addy. What a bright refreshing idea. Right??? How hard can that be???

Damn.

All Saints and Sinners...

Here's another one for the books...I got to chat with my baby and it's nice to know that he's doing better although he's still not up to our usual tete-a-tete. But it's all good.

I'm tryna fix everything. I might go there sooner than I thought I would. If I could just fix my papers. But I'm already processing my visa. If I could just come up with the munny right away.

It's a holiday today. Not much to do except traffic was especially tight around ABC that I was late for the afternoon slot. Thank god for Dindi's company, I didn't have to brave the darned thing by myself. Been suffering from impatience lately. My attention deficit gets worse by the day and I'm always restless. I dunno how I got to be this anxious. I've been wearing specs lately cuz I've been frequently getting dizzy at work. My eyes...oh my eyes. Anyway, I need a good massage. and I will get one this weekend. That's fo-sho!!! Hehehe...

identity crisis...

I think there are people in this world who take pleasure in pissing other people.

Just this afternoon, I couldn't access my old email box. I am not the type to blame other people, but it's just too much. For what pleasure it may serve this person, I just hope it was well worth it.

It's sad to part ways with that email address since I've had that for years. But if I wont be able to recover it soon, then so be it. It's just that I've a lot of contacts there and memories from Kool.

I know that somebody hacked into my account, and I may be stupid to not be able to think why on earth would someone do that to me? Gad.

making headway...

Tears were already shed. He left me yesterday but with a promise we'll be together soon.

The past few days have been like a roller-coaster ride for me. But I've come to realize that I am stronger than I give myself credit for.

I miss my baby. oh gad. I really do. The way he kisses me. The way he hugs me. The way he looks at me. I love it when we speak our own little language. I've spent the best times of my life with him. I remember how he kissed me one last time yesterday. I couldn't let go of him but there's not much I can do for now.

Anyway, my taste buds are dead today. But I'm craving for lugaw. Lugaw for the heart-broken is always a good idea.

I'll be busying myself with stuff the next coupla days. I have this baking project. and then we're starting with a small business. Oh man. But things can only get better, I'd like to believe.

With all the hardships and difficulties I've been going through, I still think that God has blessed me with so much the past few days. He spared me from all the evil things around me. And I am so grateful.

in limbo...

When you're dreaming with a broken heart
The waking up is the hardest part
You roll outta bed and down on your knees
And for a moment you can hardly breathe
Wondering was she really here?
Is she standing in my room?
No she's not, 'cause she's gone, gone, gone, gone, gone....

When you're dreaming with a broken heart
The giving up is the hardest part
She takes you in with your crying eyes
Then all at once you have to say goodbye
Wondering could you stay my love?
Will you wake up by my side?
No she can't, 'cause she's gone, gone, gone, gone, gone....

Oooooooooohhhhhhhhh

Now do i have to fall asleep with roses in my hand
Do i have to fall asleep with roses in my hand?
Do i have to fall asleep with roses in my hand?
Do i have to fall asleep with roses in my hand?
Would you get them if i did?
No you won't, 'cause you're gone, gone, gone, gone, gone....

When you're dreaming with a broken heart
The waking up is the hardest part

--- John Mayer, When You're Dreaming with a Broken Heart...

--------------

cathartic song for the moment. it's all good though.

in a rut...

I really couldn't explain exactly how I'm feeling right now. All I know is that my sensitivities are too hyper for their own good. I know I'm being too tough on myself but I just hate it when I always compromise. I know I shouldn't. I've been telling myself to at least try not to. Oh well. The heavens are with me tonight. Been weeping for the past few. Ack...me the emotional girl I am.

I'm not too happy with work again. I'm at the verge of getting irked, irritated and just losing the drive again. I've been going through this for the past few. If only for driving, I don't think I'd really wanna get up in the morning and wake up to another friggin day at the office. Honestly, I've been struggling to find something good about the job. See, I even refer to it as a job. Whatever happened to me? I dunno.

I'm thinking of Kurt Cobain tonight and how it must've been really hard for him to go on... "better do burn out than fade away".

Right now, can I just rant about not getting what I deserve??? A big drop of sigh.


Muffnote:

I really wonder why I couldn't friggin answer the simple question on how my day went. See, it's not really that easy to articulate my real emotions. Sure, I could dish out the standard reply of "it's pretty good"... but we all know life's not always like that. Makes me think sometimes too, that I'm prolly leading a really boring life or maybe I'm just plain boring. hahahaha...

See, I don't really enjoy going to bars and the like not unless it's work-related. When I get together with friends,it's usually over dinner or over their coffee... (non-drinker is because!!!)I don't really like to dress up to hook up. Not my thing. Well, there was a point in my life that it was like that, but I guess we all grow up and realize that there are more important things to attend to. Time is too precious to spend on things that are least of your priorities.

In a nutshell, I feel I'm in a rut. Stuck!!!

Argh.hhhhellllppp!!!

break it down again...

I’m supposed to go to the gym. But something’s keeping me from going. More like someone.. I’t s a little boy named Chanchan. See, he’s leaving by next month. And I’m dreading the day. So now, I make sure I go home as early as possible and spend quality time with him. Earlier today, I drove and treated him to lunch from KFC. I don’t care if I’d been having food delivered everyday now. It’s just money that I’d be able to earn again. What’s important is my baby to remember me. To not forget that his Tetengko absolutely loves him so much. He was still eating when he went with me to the bathroom and just sat in his little chair and watched me. He even sent me away with good wishes when I boarded the trike. I love him deeply. I still remember telling Venus that when she gives birth she‘d better leave the house and not be “pakalat-kalat”. Shamefully, that was exactly what I told her. One of the few things I ever really regret saying. Glad my niece is a bit on the slow side to remember. But you know, Chanchan redeemed everything for her… he was everything we hoped she could be. He’s our little angel. So when he flies to Canada, I really dunno how we would be dealing with things. I’d miss the weekends going to the mall, to the grocery, to the arcade. Gad. I have to stop. I’m missing him already.

whewww...

An old friend from Broad Ass wrote this and I'm only too happy to share it with just about anyone and everyone...

Read and enjoy...

Props to Rey Christopher Agapay.
--------------------------------

"Rooftop"
SCENE 1. INT. UMAGA. SA ISANG ACCOUNTING FIRM.

Fresh na fresh in a crisp suit na darating si Angel sa opisina. Isa siyang bagong CPA sa kumpanya.

Pagdating niya sa kanyang cubicle, merong isang malaking-malaking gift box. Magtataka siya kung kanino galing. May card na nakasulat kamay na may first name niya. Sa loob, the note reads:

“Wear this and meet me at the rooftop.”

SCENE 2. INT. SAME DAY. SA STAIRWELL LEADING TO THE ROOFTOP OF THE SKYRISE WHERE ANGEL WORKS.

Close-up shot lang ng makintab na Italian leather shoes ni Angel habang mabigat ang mga yabag na umaakyat sa hagdanan. Medyo pagod na siya dahil mga three flights din ang inaakyat niya kasi hindi na umaabot ang elevator du’n.

Masikip pa yata ang sapatos niya kasi hindi pa niya ‘to nabe-break-in nang maayos. (Bagong bili kasi since he started working last week).

SCENE 1. EXT. UMAGA. SA ROOFTOP.

Darating si Angel sa rooftop. Close-up ng mukha niyang pawis nang konti at medyo humahangos.

May figure na nakatalikod sa kanya some 7 meters away. Pinagmamasdan nito an gang skyline. Parang naka-kung anong costume ‘yung tao.

ANGEL
Hello po?

Close-up ng figure habang dahan-dahang humaharap kay Angel.

Makikita ang look of surprise ni Angel. Close-ups pa rin lahat ng shots.

RAY
I wanted to bring you flowers. But I figured it’s better if I be the flower.

Reveal na naka-big flower costume si Ray. As in nakalusot ang ulo niya sa isang headdress na may nakapaligid na malalaking petals sa kanyang mukha. Ang buong katawan niya green na catsuit at may nakausli pang parang giant leaf sa kanyang tagiliran.

FADE IN LOVE SONG

Mangingiti si Angel.

Reveal na siya ay naka-black-and-yellow bumblebee costume.

END.

Laborem not gloriam...

IT'S JUST WORK!!!

That's basically what I try to tell myself whenever I get frustrated. Actually, they're doing me a favor. Less work for me--- fine!!! I'm okey with it.

One day, when I go back to this day, I'll just laugh about it. But today, I feel like getting all angry. Anger's not usually part of my system, but I do get it once in a while.

Props to friends like John of LSfm who always has something good to say to cheer me up. La la la la he goes...something about that "ironic" (pronounced as ayornik) friend he says and his comatosed showbiz career. That made me laugh even harder. Sweet!!!

Anyway, I was supposed to blog about this yesterday but couldn't get myself to do it. Well, fortunately or unfortunately the sentiments are the same today as yesterday.

Another thing that got me down thinking is the imminent migration of my dear little baby grand kid Chanchan to Canada. My bro called up early today telling me to go there as well. I'd want to, I just dunno if this is the right time. I mean, I am really happy here. But I know I'd be sad when Apachichi leaves. He's my sweet little baby...=( Even sadder is the fact that they have to leave before October 27th... whyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy??? It's Christmas time. dang!

Oh well, I need some cheering up to do. I'm really going to the mall today. Find something to buy. Whateveeeerrrr!!!

the day i said...ackkkk!!!

What have I learned so far in the 30 years of my life? That life is scary? And a bit unfair at times?

Last Tuesday, I got the biggest scare of my life. My mom met an accident. She slipped on one step of our 4 step staircase. She hit her head on the edge of step and wounded her brow. Seven stitches had to be done to close it. But even before they could do that to her, her bp shot up to 200 over 100, making it even more difficult for the docs to close the bleeding right away. I got the call while I was still at work. I always get scared whenever they call me using the landline.

While I was in transit, it felt like it’s taking me forever to get home. I tried so hard to contain myself. I couldn’t rest easy phoning my brother, my sister, the house. That was a pretty scary trip. I was thinking of what I said before that I couldn’t forgive my dad for his philandering ways. And that whatever hardships my mom is taking is because of him. But right at that very moment, I was thinking that my mom’s faith is strong and God won’t let her down. It was prolly God’s way of talking to my dad. He too was taken aback by the situation. My sister said he started running for help when he saw the blood and couldn’t stand to look at my mom. He too was feeling pain in the chest. Everyone panicked. Who wouldn’t? Even I, myself from kilometers away was worried sick in the cabbie.

But prayer usually works for us. And that was the only thing I could do as I lay in the cab feeling helpless again. Thankfully, my mom, being a fighter that she is, was able to overcome it all. She’s already doing the things she used to do. Going up and down the stairs, going to and from the building sites and all. Hay… I love my mom so much. And it’s times like these that I appreciate the family I got. Yes, even my philandering dad.

A bunch of thanks to all of my friends who wished my mom well. It’s going down to the books folks. Deep in the heart too. Thanks so much.

seredipity in the underpass...

Still basking in the afterglow of the serendipitous event yesterday… today is not so bad either if not for ripping my good ole mossimo jean Capri.. dang!!! This is one of my favorite pairs pa naman. Oh dear!!!

I’m supposed to go to the gym tonite but with the ripped jeans and all???nahhh, I’ll just swing by tomorrow. Anyway, I plan to go there this Friday too. Need time alone. Naks…I’ll see if I can do an hour in the morning before my dream stint.

I had a moment awhile back when Miss J stepped into the booth and said I’ve been harboring all this longing and feelings for six friggin long years. But, but, but… I think twas just a cosmic anomaly. They insist we’re kindred spirits. I dunno though. Doesn’t feel like it. Never did. But I wouldn’t say it wouldn’t…hmmmh.

I miss the Island boy. He emailed me Monday to tell me that I look damn beautiful…yeah right. Like that’s what I wanna hear from him. Geez…

Anyway, distraught as I may, I am looking forward to the next weekend. My friend Rachelle’s treating us to a day of relaxation while me and Almawill have to take care of the games—something I suggested to take our get-togethers to the next level. I mean after how many sleep-overs, we surely could use something different… soooooooooo, in come the games…hehehehe… I am such a genius!!! Bwehehehehe..

Am I happy??? Just a random thought that slipped thru my mind while writing this entry… well, I am lucky and for that I have to be. That’s my answer for now. I do welcome change much better these days than before. Things are getting better if I may say so. I could also say that I guess I’m growing up too.

a welcome twist of fate...

John was right in saying, it doesn’t just happen in the movies. It feels surreal but the heavens have been looking out for me… hahahaha…

A damsel in distress and at the end of the tunnel is the prince in a shining white armor…er, corolla??? Hahahaha…

I thought I’d be stuck for as long as it takes manong cabbie to get the battery up and running… but lo and behold my phone rang and gad, twas of all people, my friend John. At first, I even hesitated to answer his question regarding my whereabouts… but hell, okey I’m stuck in a cab… then he went on to say he saw me and he’d be happy to drive me to ortigas.. whoaaaa???? Yup. I would have to walk up the underpass though which to my thinking, wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be but before I went even further a bunch of nice guys in ambulance gave me a lift up and brought me near John’s car. Haaaahhh…must’ve done something good to still deserve something like this..hehehehe…Imagine being in the middle of Edsa???what are the chances of a friend whom you haven’t seen for sometime, passing thru the same stretch at the same time with you on route to the same destination??? Oh man!!! Was it fate??? Could it be??? Hahahaha…

As far as I’m concerned, I am uber happy..smiling from ear to ear…oh man… the universe has conspired to get us together. .missed him for quite sometime… fresh from his birthday too... he’ll forever be in that special place…nakss… basta, I’m happy... and I like it!!!

the scope of horo...

Do you believe in horoscopes? Are you superstitious enough to actually think that our day to day dealings with things have already been written? That our character and perhaps aptitude have a lot to do with the incline and alignment of celestial bodies on the day of our birth? Do you share the same traits with those who share the same sign with you?

I was born January 10, and that makes me a Capricorn. So what are the most common traits of those born between December 22 til January 19? Well perhaps famous Capricorns like Muhammad Ali, Sir Isaac Newton even Joan of Arc could most likely give you an idea on how we Caps are…

In one website, I just broke into laughter when I saw just how much of a Capricorn I am…

Let’s see…

Good organizational skills ,Neat & tidy Practical
Realistic, Strong work ethic, Materialistic tendencies, Conventional, Respects authority, Egotism, Cruel taskmaster, Servility, Excessive perfectionism

Likes...
• Simple food
• Antiques
• History
• Responsibility
• Not being pressured
• Unconditional love
• Privacy
• Elitism
• Family
Dislikes...
• Untidiness
• Disorder
• Being teased
• Familiarity
• Surprises
• New ideas & paths
• Loneliness
• Being useless
• Public embarrassment
It’s amazing how it all fits the bill. In fact, my daily dose of horoscope from friendster ( which is really the reason why I get to check my account everyday—it’s just the horoscope folks!) --- read something like this:

If your ship encounters choppy waters, be ready to plug up any holes and move on.
In Detail
For a while now, you've been sailing along nicely and capably navigating the most threatening waters ... you should be proud of how you've handled yourself recently. This pride will continue to carry you onward, but you should be on the lookout for a few obstacles. If your ship encounters especially choppy waters, you may just spring an emotional leak. You will have to plug the hole for now -- you can deal with a more substantial repair once you're in a safe harbor.
I think it’s kinna freaky because it might be referring to my driving manually. I’ve been driving for the past 6 days… 5 of which in Edsa and 1 going Nova…Can I just be proud of my achievement? Hehehehehe… Somehow I have managed to deal with my fear. And my braking skills are absolutely smooth and suave, as attested by my dad who freaked out about several times just this morning. Hahahaha.. Traffic’s kinna bad today- it’s a Friday and then the roads are even wet. So I was extra careful. But I enjoyed it. Immensely. I hope to be really good at driving before the year ends.

I wish my Gemini baby could see just how I am doing these days. But he’s ignoring me. Well not exactly, but he’s not his usual self. I hate it when he’s all quiet. Damn…

The day is still young, but I am already looking forward to my luck tomorrow…hehehehe…

Carpe diem, hunny!!!

italics and bold letters

For the few of us who like getting in touch with people from our past, most recent or otherwise, we can thank Friendster for somehow bridging the gap. But not only does it do a great job in reuniting us with old flings and friends, it also is the harbinger of news—good or bad they may be.

Today, as I was scanning through the roster of friends who updated their account, I came across this person who introduced me to Mr. A…

I just found out that A is getting married soon. Now who’s A by the way???

I think it was in 2000 or 2001 when LNDJ met sister D. D was great. And she would tirelessly burn the phonelines just to get through and speak to me. At first, she went under a different name and pretended that she knew some guy who has a huge crush on Miss Late-night DJ. That was Mr. A… A wooed LNDJ with all his “cuteness” and might… LNDJ was friendly enough to accept whatever, but does not expect anything to really prosper. A continued to be sweet, even in his intoxication. Yes, he would call LNDJ even if he’s dead drunk. At one point, even proposing to her. Ofcourse LNDJ was more than that. He was a handsome younger man. Something that LNDJ would want but has accepted will never have. Looking back, LNDJ does not regret having to pass up on whatever was growing. She has serious issues and self-image took up so much space in her heart and her mind.

A was a nice guy. Good demeanor and all … not to mention, really good looking. This is the very thing that LNDJ was all too concerned about… His feelings for her were just too good to be true. So she held back, kept her distance and played cool.

Naturally, A got the message. I failed to mention A’s sensitivities are quite remarkable . So, there.. .the falling out led to forgetting. Something that was just already beyond LNDJ.

Today, LNDJ celebrates the joy of friendship with A; twas quite brief but nonetheless very meaningful. Something that will forever be in the books.

To A and your new wife… a blissful and happy life together. Til we meet again…

5 to Q

Legendary rock group the Clash had a song that I could so relate to at this point. Can you guess the song? Well, before this entry ends I’m sure you’d be singing along with me…hehehe..

What we know we need to do is sometimes the hardest thing to actually do.
The word QUIT speaks to me. Loudly, almost deafening and so much annoying. When do we give in? When do we embrace it? When do we welcome it?

Let’s see, I have been lurking around the net tryna find answers. Maybe reduce the reasoning for easier consumption. And this is what I’ve gathered from Yahoo Finance’s David Bach, author to the column, The Automatic Millionaire.
See, this dilemma was borne out of today’s frustration. Er, prolly aggravated by my frustration for the day…

I just sat here and thought, it’s been six friggin long years… do I still have a tinge of excitement left in me? Is it time to rethink, just like David said, about what I do or where I do it??? Tell tale signs are here. Let’s try to digest them for what they’re worth. Hope you are with me… all up to you if you’re putting a check or crossing it out…

1. You truly hate what you do.
That’s right. It all begins with the simple premise that if you hate what you do, it only follows that if you totally dislike what you do, you should already be able to say when you will quit the job.....we can do away with the reasons. What’s more important is that we already set a date. Procrastination is always a foe. Even if life is said to be short, I couldn’t agree more with Mr. Bach in saying that doing something that you hate would only make it seem very long and very miserable…


Proclaiming his dedication to teaching others how to be smarter with their money David believes that money frees people to live great lives. Based on his experience, for many people, “the goal of setting aside six months' worth of expenses” is often enough to free them from a job they hate.
But it can often take even less than that. He reiterates “sometimes, you simply need to quit your job before everything is perfect, because life is worth more than money”.

2. You asked for a raise and the answer was "no."
If you can sing with Donna Summer here, and you’re truly working hard for the munny… working your butt off week after week, month after month, and year after year, and you're not getting raises or growing your income, hello, skip the bull-- something is wrong. You can always try to rationalize the situation with all your might, or you—yes YOU can do something about it.
Think about this: Even if you get just the national average annual raise which is about a little less than 4 percent, in five years you will have increased your income by over 20 percent. We all could use these increases to be able to keep our head above water financially. It goes without saying that increase in the cost of gas alone requires that you earn a raise.
However -- and this is all too important -- you HAVE TO EARN it. I'm not talking about taking the attitude "give me a raise because of inflation." That will get you nowhere.

3. You work for a company you don't respect.
I don’t know what else could be more amazing a sign you’re waiting for than the fact that you’re not being paid well and not getting raises, and on top of that you don't respect the company where you spend 40 hours or more a week.
So let’s be honest with ourselves right now: Do we still respect the company we work for? Do we still like what it stands for? Do we still like what it does? Does it even care about us and the customers? Does it have a plan for the future, or is it living in the past? A simple yes can make all the difference much as a no can spell QUIT in bold bright letters.


4. You work for a company that doesn't respect you.
Respect is absolute. And we all need it to go live a fruitful life. It’s sad but true that not all companies are created equal. There will always bad, good, and great companies, and they all treat their people in radically different ways.
Try asking again: Does your company respect you? We pretty much know the answer, don't we?

5. You're bored to death and not challenged.
When the element of time is involved, change is inevitable and this prolly is the reason why it’s so hard to recognize that it’s time to G-O when you’re irritatingly bored to death and not challenged. Bach says, you may be one promotion away from new opportunities, but things can be pretty brutal if you've been bored out of your mind for years.

It’s also all possible by the way, even when you're experiencing tremendous success, getting raises, and working for a great company. You’re not an exception even if you run your own business. It can definitely happen when you've worked for 5, 10, 20, or 30 years and achieved all you ever dreamed of achieving. And, hey it can even come way sooner than that.



Plan Before You Go Go

This time I’d be quoting good ole diva Barbra Streisand that “Some good things never last”... Yup, it’s more often than not that we reach a point where what we do simply doesn't work anymore. Suddenly, the feeling is we're not fulfilled. Saturation point is what I would call it and at that point, you have to ask yourself if it's time to change where you are, or what you do where you are.

Mr. Automatic Millionaire David Bach says he’s not being cavalier by suggesting that you simply quit your job today. He’s suggesting though to think about these five signs he mentioned. It’s important for one to get a quiet time for you to ask yourself the questions. Eventually, talk them over with someone you love. Once you’ve figured out and embraced the fact that the answer is "yes, it's time to quit," then it's time to start planning the "I quit" date.

Try with all your might now to be smart, think it through, and once the decision is made, congratulate yourself for not settling on the status quo. It’s a matter of being brave and stepping outside one’s comfort zone…quitting a job definitely requires this which is not always an easy thing to do. But once you've done it,whoaaaa, you’ll be surprised with the new and exciting opportunities that await.

And on that note, I end with the Clash…
Sing with me if you will...”should I stay or should I go now?”….Darling, you gotta let me know now….hehehehe…

incognito...

kung mag-Filipino kaya ako???para maiba naman dahil maglilinggo ng wika na naman.

salamat nawa at nahimasmasan na ko pagkalabas ko ng edipisyo ng opisina namin.
agad akong tumungo sa aking paboritong pamilihan. paborito sapagkat marami akong nakikitang maaari kong pagkagastusan.sa tingin ko kasi mas marami akong mapagpipilian dito kaysa sa megamall na napaka-lawak naman masyado para ikutin. alalahanin natin, limitado lang aking panahon para tumingin-tingin. ginawa kong umikot na rin dahil sa napipintong "sale" bukas.gustong-gusto ko kasing nakikibahagi sa mga ganitong pagkakataon. may kakaibang kasiyahan ang naidudulot nito sa akin. lalong lalo na nang makita ko na meron pala sa aking kasya sa aking mga damit sa paperdolls...hmmmmh..dumarami ang aking pagpipilian. at hindi ko rin matanto kung bakit ako nagkakaganito. mukhang abala ako sa aking mga kasuotan at pangkaayusan. sa katunayan ay magpapakulay kami ng buhok ng kaibigan ko ngayong sabado.sana naman ay maging maayos.

may isa pa pala akong dapat ipagsaya. ito ay ang pagkakagawa ng aircon ng ayee kong mahal. di ko na kakailanganin na gumastos para sa pagpapagawa. malamang pupunuin ko na lang sya ng gasolina. hay. mahal na mahal ko ang sasakyang iyon kahit ganon yun. salamat sa ama kong kaaway ko pa rin. umasenso ng konti ang relasyon namin kamakailan dahil sa pagpagawa nya ng kotse at pagpaparehistro nito.

oh sya. tatamasain ko muna ang saya ng trabaho ko dito sa istasyon. dito, tunay at naguumapaw ang kasiyahan ko kahit ako lang mag-isa dito.hay...ito ang buhay!!! tagay naman dyan!!!

hey...i don't exist!

It gets really frustrating when you take effort to get to work, try not to be late, do the best you can in the 2 minutes tops you get to do your friggin job and then some people who obviously have their own concerns too, make it all the friggin impossible for you to do your FRIGGIN JOBBBB...GRRRRRR... if the munny weren't easy i would've gone home. i don't think i should be treated this way. but hey, i remain calm. i still go to work, for what it's worth. they are God's children. thank god it's friday tomorrow i wouldn't have to deal with them for the weekend.

sorry???it's unacceptable. i am a PROFESSIONAL. well i try to be--- i may be late a lot of times, but i MAKE it to work and i friggin do my job. i just hope some people who are getting paid good munny would also respect that.

should it always be fun??? throwing this in the air: IS IT ALL FOR FUN???

no wonder idiots multiply like bacteria. see, they're not really born, they're made. and some of us are just about unfortunate that we deal with them. in my case on a weekly basis. 4-5 times a week. i just hope this doesn't rub off on me.

this is precisely the reason why i went back to school. to get away. to dissociate. good thing the other place i work for, well there's no place for idiots right there. unprofessionals aren't welcome.

radio is not all for glory. i spent 4 years in the state university being told that. and after about 8 years in the industry, i am so happy to say that again..

man, i'm really pissed today. i am! this is not the first time this has happened to me. but today isn't a good day. so i am really ticked like hell here. what do they think of themselves?..wait, the better question- do they even think??? they're prolly all to glossed up to even care to think.

i heard someone say "WHO CARES"... i was already cussing earlier in frustration. why??because i friggin had to get up at 4 in the morning and be plastic with my dad to take me to work, and be plastic again to sound as if i'm having a good day... i hate it when i am forced to smile to seem pleasant when i feel so friggin pissed.

some people would say i should be happy cuz it's less work... but hey, i'm friggin more than that. i am so more than that...

i'm not conceited or anything, i just hate the treatment from people who think highly of themselves.

geez. i hate it when im helpless.

seriously, i am not happy with them anymore. i know anybody could get my friggin job anytime. but you know it could be even more tiring to just be warming up the seat and doing nothing. imagine, clocking in as early as 615..and then what? i get to do one friggin report. yey...*pompoms in the air* *fireworks* right.

things i have no control of.

but hey, i can always hand them my discontent in writing a few weeks before hitting the eject button (er, if you know what i mean). not a threat. just a sign of dismay. i used to be happy here. this is not something i look forward to doing anymore. sad, but true. it used to be the people too. but i can see how i dont exist anymore. how okey i would be anyway. less of the blow: how about reassignment? hmmmh. thing is some of the guys here love their stations already. how i wish.

such a disappointment. first i get called for a mistake but hell, do they even ask how i feel when i make a mistake and when people on the other end dont even bother to let you do your work??? sheesh, somebody teach them about RESPECT. that's not even hard to spell.

if it weren't for the easy steady munny.

you know i am evil too...

today is not a good day. oh please. i welcome the fun, but work is not always fun. and right now, i am seriously not having fun. see, im not smiling at all. and i hate it when people take away my smile.

i needa do some shopping to make me forget.

the munny and the hunny... thoughts and rhetorics of the addicting kind

It’s not as if I’m hoping that a relationship would prosper, but earlier on, as I was talking to this entity, I was seriously debating in my head that this person’s really, I dunno- starting to get cute??? Er, these days I have been an easy target of sexual predators. Nope, not that I’m so vavavoom sexy that would leave any guy with a drool pool…let’s just say I entertain and indulge.

It was a Thursday when it first happened. Quite a shock even because I didn’t think that this person was up for it. I really thought that it was all talk no bite. I’m even more surprised at myself. I didn’t see it coming and I really didn’t want it to happen because I might never be able to look at that person the same way again.

The person wanted a call from me. But I had to restrain myself before it could lead to anything more embarrassing than it already is.

Makes me think of Island Boy even more…sad, sad. Well he excused his absence for the next few weeks. He even said that he won’t get mad if I’d find me an immediate replacement to which I said he was too crazy to even think.

On a lighter and much happier and welcome note, I am furthering my shopping addiction by giving in to the call of the Dorothy Perkins/Topshop sale… Last night, I purchased me two jeans and late this morning I got me a belt and a top. So to date, I’ve already blew about 2.3k…I can’t believe I actually spent that much in less than 24 hours. To think I have to pay my phone bill and have the a/c fixed. See why can’t I get my priorities straight???

Oh man. I’m an addict.

shock therapy...

The weather is as fickle as ever. Been raining and been sunny and raining again and sunny again. Ahhhh… but life’s been good anyway. I really couldn’t complain. My family’s doing well. Nobody’s getting really sick despite. Mom’s been recovering well from her sprained arm while my condition has greatly improved. It’s been quite peaceful in the house except for some financial quirks here and there. The building’s almost complete. I can see my room from behind the stacks and stacks of cloth and what-have-you my mom’s been keeping at the third floor. I have been looking for possible designs for the room but I am already sure that green will be color. Since my dad just unplugged the water line to the supposed cr on my room, I told mama I’ll just turn it into a walk-in closet. I really am excited by this. After all these years- finally, a room for myself. A room that I will only share with my things and my creative clutter.

Driving’s been good. I suppose I just really needa work on my parking skills. Plus I needa have the aircon fixed and the clutch too. I had a hard time engaging first gear. Engine stalled about twice but nothing alarming really. I was able to manage and the best part of driving today was that I went through traffic. First time on my own. Hahahahaha… Twas a nice experience though.
Work’s been great too… I’m coming fresh from a workshop at dream… and even if we have negative sentiments about our new bosses handle some things, I would have to agree with my friend from the industry who said that I should appreciate the thought. I might take it for granted but when you really sit down and think about it, there’s hardly any other station that would care as much about their company as much as my bosses seem to really take this seriously. And for that, we have to give them a hand.

More than the things that we picked up from the said workshop, I know it sounds cheesy but I like the fact we got together as a team and just sat down and listen to us… listen to dream and just be kids and just do crazy things in between when the bosses aren’t looking… the feeling is just, I couldn’t even find the words to say it. I am truly lucky to belong to a wonderful bunch. God has been great to me. Definitely a dream team to me…

Moving to my other job…well, I have got to be honest but my passion is not as much as it used to be. I could even say it has waned over the years together reaching its peak when I got word that I of all people, the one who even got a friggin plaque for loyalty, wouldn’t be getting any increase. The job itself is enjoyable. My coworkers are wonderful also but it’s just the company. Imagine, I’ve been here since 2000. I really don’t need any recognition whatsoever, not even a title. But I just need what’s due me. The increase that comes with the tenure and that’s it. Is that too much to ask for in exchange for loyalty? I make it a point to still come to work when every single day, it’s been a struggle. I’m rarely absent though with reasoning summed up as “sayang ang miles!!!”… hahahahah…So what really keeps me here? Well it’s the job..i love the job. I could see myself doing something else, but I couldn’t see myself, not doing this. You get what I mean??? I love the people I work with… the people from the stations and my fellow broadcasters. There’s this sense of fulfillment I get from sitting here, reading from the viewer and delivering the sometimes, er most of the time stupid aobs which make us some munny..

Oh, on a lighter note, I just gave in to a craving. I wanted me some cheese muffin from Fig and even if I don’t have much munny, I still managed to get me a cuppy cake. I’m also excited for tomorrow. There’d be a sale at my fave shops, Topshop and Dorothy Perkins. I already set my eyes on that really nifty denim number from Dotty perks… I’m also uber excited to get me new belts and a pretty shirt… oh I just hope I could get in tomorrow. If not, I’m gonna faint… Bwehehehe…

In a not so welcome development, or perhaps something for the kilig department, I did something with this dj from another station. I’m not gonna go into details but let’s just say, I saw a different side of him that I actually thought was good, even nice. Pretty nice actually that I might actually end up either dreaming or dreading about it…Hala!!!

I’m all too sleepy now. ..still have a coupla rounds then we call it a night.

shoe stopper...

this is the first time i'll ever wear this new acquisition of mine.and dang, it hurts so much i had to give it a rest by the afternoon..back in my dupes now... argh!!!

in my shoes...

Your Pretty Pink Shoes Are

Marc by Marc Jacobs

What Pretty Pink Shoes Should You Wear?

Soundtracking our lives...

As he begins to raise his voice
You lower yours and grant him one last choice
Drive until you lose the road
Or break with the ones you've followed
He will do one of two things
He will admit to everything
Or he'll say he's just not the same
And you'll begin to wonder why you came

Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life
---How to Save a Life, The Fray---

--------------

Wonder and wonder some more...but things are so much better now.Way way way better...

what's up dawggg!!!

You Are a German Shepherd Puppy

Intelligent, quick witted, and a bit aggressive. You've got the jaw power to take a bite out of anyone you choose.

What Breed of Puppy Are You?

Walk the talk..save the sole...

For me, the rainy season is sandal season. I like wearing them sandals and flops during this time most especially and more appropriately because I don’t really wanna ruin them leathers…and neither do we wanna slip in those nice looking still freshly purchased stilettos. Oh shucks. Definitely super dress down when it rains. Good thing I was able to add on two jackets to my wardrobe for the month. So being sandal season, much attention would be on the feet. Yes, the size 10 humongous peds are on the spotlight. And as I was looking at thenm, I was made to realize that my feet are indeed ugly. Argh. Was just not blessed to have really gorgeous feet, but hope springs eternal so they say so why not work on it? Yeah, let’s try to save our soles people… I hope you are with me. We can’t forever hide those tattered mootsie tootsies any longer.
Time to unleash and bring forth new life to our tired and weary feet. Time to go the extra mile for the very important appendage that brought us places.

Google google and this is what I got: down to six steps that could be very well be part of our every day ritual. It’s also pretty easy to remember because it’s the six s’s of saving our soles…sssssssssss!!!
Haha..

1. Sand
Yup, it’s all about sand baby..Sanding!
Since we are to clean,change and condition our nails, it is advised to start off with a non-acetone remover to clean old polish from nails. Then file toenails straight across to avoid ingrowns. Now this is the tough part. Takes practice and patience too, but believe you me, it could be done with the proper tools in handy. Now back to the toenails, shape them into a soft arc and gently file to create a smooth surface.
Here’s a Cuticle Care Tip: For cuticles that are dry and overgrown never try cutting them- leave that to the experts and instead try soaking a cotton ball with olive oil and gently swipe over cuticles before you remove old polish. This will leave your toes shiny and conditioned.
2. Soak
Nothing beats getting all soaked up. Hmmmmmh, ummmh, ummmh. A gentle foot can do the trick of cleansing and softening the skin. Just a few teaspoons of foot soak poured in and mixed into hot water can bring forth an unbeatable soothing sensation as you gently immerse your feet. Adding a few drops of lemon juice will even sanitize and scent your toes with a citrus aroma. Relax for ten minutes and allow the hot bath to loosen dead skin and inject moisture back into your feet. A conditioning foot soak brand like that of Avon’s can help revitalize your tired feet and maximize moisture.
3. Scrub
With the heels now softened, it’s time to scrub away dead skin cells and let a new, fresh layer of skin shine through. Time to scrub-a-dab-dab and massage an exfoliating scrub and slough off dry patches from your heels, arch, ankles, and toes. Rinse by dipping back your feet back in the bath then pat dry with a soft towel. Try to soothe sore feet with a body scrub for a cooling feeling.
4. Soften
Time to rock and rely on a pumice stone to soften those stubborn rough spots. You may also try a dry foot file and scrub back and forth over heels and calluses until skin become soft and even. Don’t hesitate to use a little muscle — some like it rough and tough and sometimes those rough areas need some extra force. There’s a callus remover available in the market, also from Avon and this can easily smooth over the entire surface without missing an inch.
5. Slather
Butter is not only yummy but it can also restore moisture to your feet…so try shea butter. Even better if you smooth on an intensive relief cream like Avon's planet spa foot and elbow cream to add that extra dose of summer softness.
Tip for Tender Toes: For an extra injection of moisture, just right after applying lotion, wrap your feet in dry towels and let them sit for five minutes. They say your body heat will warm up the moisturizer and allow it to really sink in to your skin.
6. Swipe
It goes without saying really that before applying polish, it is best to thoroughly wipe your nails and cuticles with polish remover. This way, you’ll be able to remove any oils or lotions so that polish will go on evenly. Next, time to spread on the base.. Yup, start with a base coat to hide ridges and create an even surface. Two coats are needed…so be generous in brushing two coats , allowing at least 2 minutes between each coat, and a topcoat to seal. For summer, try a light pink shade to enhance your sun-kissed feet.
Quick Dry Tip: When you’re in a rush, don’t run the risk of ruining your newly tinted toes. Get out the door in a flash with a cooking spray from your kitchen. Spritz on a layer, let it dry, and then off you go!

So there, it’s not so tough, now are they? I think we owe it much to our feet to give em the best kind of pampering even with limited budget. Always remember to do your feet good so they wont fail you when you need em most. Hehehehe...
For those who can afford to splurge today, better head on over to Footloose in
Whiteplains. They’re not paying me to write this but I just happened to enjoy their thai foot massage. Anyway, payday is just around the corner. Try to allot at least 500 bucks for that and believe you me, you won’t regret it!. And that's the way you save your sole!!!

Mirror mirror on the wall...

I’ve always been amazed by the power of cosmetics to change one’s perspective about things. Be it the beauty or the beholder both pretty much experience the same gratification from the wonders of aesthetic apothecary.

A couple of weeks back I attended a seminar on Basic Makeup under Suzzane and Cindy. My knowledge and skills or what Ithought I had about make-ups and all have been thrown out the window. We got a pretty good deal for that workshop for 7 hams. That’s right only 700 bucks for a lifelong investment on the proper way of painting one’s face. And mind you, we were using the best products in the market. Products I’m having second thoughts of buying. I could be such a cheapskate at times. As much as I am at awe at great products like Shu Uemura and Lancome Paris, I dunno, I feel that cheaper products would do just as well. But I know, I know, they came with that tag price for a reason. Just like I surrendered to that thought with my Topshop and Dorothy Perkins purchases. Going back to the workshop, I think it came out pretty well. I’ve learned just about enough to get me going. My brows got fixed and dispelled Alma’s notion that mine sucked. Both Cindy and Suzzane even said that they’re mighty fine except for several stray hairs. Nothing to be alarmed about like what Alma was insisting. I do know that the eyebrows can make or break the face but whenever I look in the mirror, I feel that I’m okey. Not so bad really.

My daily beauty ritual just entails washing the face, putting on vitamin c serum and then some cheek stain and a lip tint. Not so much on powder these days. I grew tired of carrying that big pot of loose powder in my bag. The solution would have been easy as just transferring some into a small container but what about my big brush??? Anyway, let’s just leave that be. I never bring my kikay kit as much as I did before. Oh but I have a beauty trailer from Two-Faced which I so loved. One of things I came across the Sephora Surfing Season. Man, I’ve been going to that site really frequently. Got it for a good deal at 30 dollarz... Suweet!!!


Speaking of Sephora Surfing Season, I just came across some facts that everyone could make good use of, so I’m sharing them here to add to your beauty intelligence…

1. Dark circles are not from lack of sleep. This is sheer gossip as the real cause happens to be skin transparency. The short cut cure is a concealer. But one should look for one that can also bolster and protect the skin. You can ask your friendly-neighborhood Dermatologist for the long-time fix.


2. Some people go t the idea that exercise can actually get rid of ugly cellulites. Of course this is not true at all as I have been told that cellulite can affect everyone. So it’s safe to say that couch potatoes and gym freaks are created equal when it comes to cellies…What a let down! But you can thank the hardworking scientists and aestheticians who never succumbed to the pressure of bringing forth a breakthrough cure to anyone suffering the stigma of being cellulite central... I hear Avon’s firming product is good. And I just found out about this Cellulite Solution from Murad but the price tag is about 70 dollarz per kit. Well should you not have that kind of munny, it’s perhaps the best time to accept that cellulites are but part of life.

3. I love perfumes. I absolutely love wearing different fragrances. And again I confess that I’m one of them who wear my most favorite on special occasions. We’ve been told or prolly read somewhere that we should wear fragrance behind our ears. Fact is we should wear it on our pulse points: wrist, behind the knees, crook of the elbow working our way up.


4. This one is so true- split ends can only be repaired by a trip to the salon and having it trimmed off. I’ve come across this exfoliating treatment for the hair but it’s not yet available here in Manila. I’m still tryna find out a similar product from Kerastase, since they have an Institute here anyway. I hear that it’s advisable to bolster strands weekly.

5. Did you ever hear about that rumor that lip balm is addictive? That’s right, could be an old wives’ tale but studies actually showed that they indeed are if they’re medicated. So that could pretty much explain why a certain friend of mine couldn’t stop applying balm like it’s a reflex action. The recommendation so I’ve read is to stick to moisturizing formula that’s free of drying ingredients like camphor and phenol. I would really wanna get my hands on this Buzz Latte Lip balm my sister was raving about from Bare Escentuals. I think it’s pretty neat to have it in Latte flavor. Hmmmmh…


6. For those craving for a tan complexion, better think twice before baking yourself under the sun. Somebody said that a base tan is healthy, but that’s bull. The only healthy tan I hear is fake tan. Tan in a bottle. Sunshine in a pot. Whoaaa… this is pretty interesting. I wonder how I’d look like when I’m all bronzed up…


I used to not like wearing make-up but I just realized that there’s nothing wrong with enhancing one’s beauty. Yes, you could say that it’s superficial; that it’s skin deep, but there’s no denying that beauty is indeed a powerful tool to change one’s perspective. Now you know what I’m talking about. I hear one dj yesterday claiming that he despises beautiful people saying that it’s the inside that counts. The dude somehow feels that it’s bull should a beautiful person claim that beauty is in the inside -- unpretty folks shouldn’t dig that deal because they’re just tryna patronize you in their own little way and tryna make you feel all better. He may have a good point, but I don’t generalize cuz I’ve met some of the most beautiful people and their beauty really emanates from within. I think dj dude should keep an open mind but I do get where he’s coming from since he’s been rubbing elbows with lotsa duh beauties… The beautiful people I know are authentic and sincere. You see, I’m one of the more critical people I know and I wouldn’t call you beautiful if you’re just a mere eye candy. There should be something about you that makes you stand out. Not the make-up, not the shoesies, not the outfit. It’s the way they deal with me and other people. Physical beauty can easily fade away with a snotty attitude and lack of respect for other people. It’s not really the wit or the smarts but it’s more of being generous of your time and understanding. It’s being open to anything that could make you appear like a Miss Universe.

So the next time you see somebody beautiful, be generous with your time to understand that these people are actually equals. Keep in mind that both of you would experience the same emotions and satisfaction either being the beauty or the beholder. At some point in time we would be one or the other. For now, we could work on being the “beauty” that could change everything.

Of lesser beings and more...

I am the non-confrontational type but I would be more than ready to defend myself should the situation call for it. I guess this is how I’s built. I am firm and strong with my resolutions that I could even come across as unreasonable. But of course who in the right mind would admit to being unreasonable at that given point in time???

Just before the week ended last week, I was feeling bad about something that shouldn’t really bother me.

You know, people make mistakes, and I can’t reiterate it even more. Nobody’s perfect. We’re mere mortals! Clichés are clichés because they’ve been proven to be true. And I couldn’t emphasize on it any more than I already have admitted to being at fault for making a friggin mistake on air…

Some people have made such a big deal out of it. I suppose, people who have less capacities to intellectualize the meaning of being human…of making a friggin mistake do not at all deserve my time. They’ve already shown their true colors so why should expect any thing more from them??? I don’t really wanna make such a big deal out of it, but it’s them who have been testing my patience. I mean, I really don’t need any praises from them. Cuz to my thinking, praises and criticisms coming from the same people are pretty much the same. And I really don’t need any of them. I mean, it’s not going to make me a better person so why should I even brother??? That’s the thing though, it’s bothering me because I know it was a mistake and people made such a big deal out of it when in fact I’m the one to bear the brunt. It’s the “Samantha” and not the friggin company that made a mistake. And this person, who just thinks about making sale and making the deal forgot about being human as well. I really don’t get it. Is that person really better than me??? When I don’t really think that that person can actually fill my shoes. Should we trade places, I believe in my heart that I could do the job that that person holds, but the better question is, can that person do my job??? I don’t wanna throw my weight around. I mean, even being in this company longer than they have and being in an industry that is more unforgiving, I think I have more than what they see me as… Geez. I really feel that his job is starting to be a job. After six years I never thought it would be. But when I come to think about it some more, it’s just the people I work with that make it more difficult.

I’m prepared for anything today. Ready to take on anything. Even the darned battery of lab tests I’ve to undergo today, yessss, bring it on!!!

romancing the rain...

It might come across as weird to say that I absolutely adore the rain.
When I was a kid, I’d bathe in the rain. I did this because I got so envious of the other kids who would run around and get all wet. It seemed a lot of fun so what the hell… even if I had to do it alone, heck I’d do it. Hehehe.. I mean I can’t just make paper boats forever.
Speaking of paper boats, I’ve been tryna teach my two year old apo to look forward to the rain by making paper boats with him and playing with them on the puddles of water in our garden. Funny thing happened though, my sister’s car was parked on that side of the garden where we’d usually play with the boats, and so I just got me a basin of water and went on to play with the paper boats Chanchan pressured me to make. Hehehe.. Gad, I love that kid so much and I feel that he loves me back just as much. He’s always excited whenever I come home at night. My niece says there’d be times when he’d be looking for me when he wakes up in the morning. Awwww!

Anyway, going back to the rains, one of the other reasons why I like it is because we get to keep our cool. At least for the most part. I mean, I hear of few people getting all riled up because of the rains than people getting irritated because of the heat. This is very much true because we are warm-blooded creatures. So there really is a scientific basis for this. However, the fact that we get so relaxed could bring us to that melancholic state where we tend to emote and just lose ourselves in either jubilation or depression. If I may, a lot of people end up playing or directing a music video in their heads when they hear a song while gazing thru the window watching the rains pour down. Naks. Hehehe…I too, am guilty of this sometimes. Can I just emphasize on “sometimes”? Hahaha.

For some people rains would come off as a bad thing. Like it dampens the spirit, like raining on one’s parade. But despite all the negativity attached to it, I still love it when it showers. For me, the rains make memories more vivid. I tend to remember things more when it’s associated with the rains. I suppose it’s because it adds more drama to it all. I dunno, that’s just how I feel about it. Rains never dampen my spirit. I’d say I’m even more in touch with my emotions when water starts to trickle down from the heavens. Hey, a lot of songs have been written about this phenom and I can name you favorites: Madonna’s Rain, BJ Thomas’ Raindrops Keep Falling On My Head, A-ha’s Crying in the Rain and Garbage’s Only Happy When it Rain. Incidentally, the first time I came out on tv back in college, my friend Chiqui and myself had to introduce the Garbage song on MTV's Most Wanted. hehehe... see,told you anything rain would be memorable to me...
Weird??? Again, I go back to my childhood and remember those days when I’d go frolickin in the rain, and that vivid memory alone makes me look forward to the next memorable moment I’d be having whenever a single drop of water from the sky touches my face.

pop musings of the heiress type...

Here's another confession: I am actually amused by Paris Hilton's "Stars are Blind". Can you believe that? Well she's got quite an infectious groove going on, reminding me so much of Blondie ( well she is after all!!!)

Some people just tend to have it all. And this hotel heiress is definitely enjoying the time of her life,or could she be one of those bratty kids with issues that they tend to dismiss for public consumption.

face value...

My next endeavor should focus on finishing my requirements to make it in time for next year’s commencement exercises. Not that I plan to attend. I just wanted get it over and done with. Geez. I’m on my fifth year. Well this journey in gradschool has been really exciting: full of firsts, actually. First time to get an incomplete mark, first time to get a substitution, first time to change matriculation, first time to prerog. Oh well, c’est la vie. At first I didn’t really think I could deal with it, but hey, I’ve dealt with it, and I am still dealing it. It’s not exactly perfect but I shouldn’t complain.

Anyway, I have a racket for the weekend. It’s enough to make up for the purchases I’ve incurred during the week. I’m also looking forward to the make-up session tomorrow. And I mean cosmetics, baby!!! Hehehe. Not that I’m completely clueless about doing make-up and stuff, just that I feel it’s time to professionalize it. Naks.Hahaha.. This is just the "maarte" me being unleashed.

Now if I could just put as much excitement from my getting giddy over the makeup thing to finishing my requirement, oh the world would definitely such a better place. Bwehehehe.

shoesies smoochies...

I have to confess. I am a shoe addict. I dunno what’s wrong with me the past coupla days. But it seems as if they’re calling me. Even in my sleep. They’re calling me. Buy me, buy me…try me, try me… Oh man, it’s my growing addiction of late. Well it was quite some years now since I last got myself into this obsession with shoeeeeesssss… In a weeks time I have purchase 3 pairs just to appease myself. I suppose, it’s borne out of frustration too. I have quite big feet. I’m a size 10 regular. About 9-9.5 wide and American size. Oh man. Imagine what I have to go through just to find that perfect pair. My feet started getting big at age 5. By then, I was to realize that age is directly correlated to the feet size. By 6 I was size 6, 7 at 7 then 8 at 8, 9 at 9…and thank god it stopped there. I still remember having to buy school shoes at the men’s department since none would fit me in the ladies’ department. Talk about getting frustrated at an early age. Hay.

Anyway, back to the present, I have so many shoesies that I don’t even get to wear, but I want more… and by that, I have to say, I am addicted. I have asked my sister to go buy me tons and tons of shoes. Nope, Im not really after the brand cuz even if I tend to suffer impulsive shopping frenzy I still think about the quantity of shoes I could purchase. I mean my most expensive shoes would still be the graduation shoes I got for 4k and that was back in 97… Now I don’t remember buying anything more than 1.5 these days with the exception of rubber shoesies which I really get at 20-30% off thanks to a friend who has connection with my brand of choice, Adidas. Hehehehe…

Oh, I think I failed to mention that aside from being big, I think my feet are ugly. It’s because it’s big not that it’s thickly covered with veins and all. Just that they’re not as pretty as I would like them to be. Lately, I stopped wearing closed shoes. Because they tend to darken my feet right at the corners.

I cant wait for the weekend. I wanna have something done on my feet. Some pampering perhaps. Prolly have them painted which I never usually do. I dunno. Hay… anything to get my mind off on that bad day I had last Monday.

shiny happy people...

I took a cab with two complete strangers. They were two nice women I caught up with when I was about to board the fx bound for Ortigas. Apparently, they too were rushing but were on a budget. Despite all the anger in my heart from what transpired yesterday, I managed to dig up some trust for this two nameless people.

Anyway, about late morning when I dashed to the atm to get some cash, guess what happened to me? This is not the first time mind you. I made a similar booboo some months ago in another branch only that time I was able to put it back since I was in the bank. But today was different, a cab was waiting for me and I don’t hell know how to deposit via the machine. Eeek. Just don’t trust them machines. Hehehehe… I already screwed up with the keys on the atm machine withdrawing, what more with depositing. *scared* So there, I had about 10 grand in tow when I left the building. Hay. Oh, but it’s alright, I’ll be going to the bank this Thursday to deposit the checks for the month.

I’m still thinking if I should ever blog about Monday. Just to vent it out. Oh I dunno. Such weird feeling. If I ever should mention anything about that fateful day, it would be about my new purchases. I got me a couple of denim jackets. These are the jackets I’ve been dying to acquire. The timing was definitely perfect. It’s not often that I’d have the money when I see something I like. Since last week, I’ve been seriously indulging in retail therapy. I dunno. But I made purchases left and right. Mostly shoesies and flipflops.


Can’t wait for the weekend again. Che and Alma and myself are to go to this makeup tutorial. Hopefully this will help me clear up some of the negativity in my system. Here’s to me and this wonderful day!!!

swallowing and wallowing with the bitter truth...

There's just too many things in my head right now... I even found myself gasping for breath and tryna keep calm. I wanted to say something. But I know I shouldn't. But when I think about it even more, I should've spoken a long time ago. I dunno what's wrong. I dunno if I've done people wrong, if my family has done people wrong to even deserve this sort of situation. It was suspension of disbelief. I was on the brink of breaking down and just exploding like a hot mass ... Geez.

At least I got to let it out on driving today. I think I shall be ready by say, next month??? Hopefully, I've mustered enough strength by then to just like Taytay would sing: Taking it to the streets!!!

Oh man oh man... I still need to work on overcoming my fears. I know I should take control because the truth is, I'm in control. Like I always am.

I'm tryna fix my life and then this... if I just let it go, this is like witnessing a murder and keeping mum about it. It's not what I stand for. I know I should do something. Anyway, I sought the help of my sib. Let's just hope and pray she'd know what to do. Else, I have to take matters into thy hands *gulp*