in a rut...

I really couldn't explain exactly how I'm feeling right now. All I know is that my sensitivities are too hyper for their own good. I know I'm being too tough on myself but I just hate it when I always compromise. I know I shouldn't. I've been telling myself to at least try not to. Oh well. The heavens are with me tonight. Been weeping for the past few. Ack...me the emotional girl I am.

I'm not too happy with work again. I'm at the verge of getting irked, irritated and just losing the drive again. I've been going through this for the past few. If only for driving, I don't think I'd really wanna get up in the morning and wake up to another friggin day at the office. Honestly, I've been struggling to find something good about the job. See, I even refer to it as a job. Whatever happened to me? I dunno.

I'm thinking of Kurt Cobain tonight and how it must've been really hard for him to go on... "better do burn out than fade away".

Right now, can I just rant about not getting what I deserve??? A big drop of sigh.


Muffnote:

I really wonder why I couldn't friggin answer the simple question on how my day went. See, it's not really that easy to articulate my real emotions. Sure, I could dish out the standard reply of "it's pretty good"... but we all know life's not always like that. Makes me think sometimes too, that I'm prolly leading a really boring life or maybe I'm just plain boring. hahahaha...

See, I don't really enjoy going to bars and the like not unless it's work-related. When I get together with friends,it's usually over dinner or over their coffee... (non-drinker is because!!!)I don't really like to dress up to hook up. Not my thing. Well, there was a point in my life that it was like that, but I guess we all grow up and realize that there are more important things to attend to. Time is too precious to spend on things that are least of your priorities.

In a nutshell, I feel I'm in a rut. Stuck!!!

Argh.hhhhellllppp!!!