Saturday, November 11, 2006

filling the blanks...

I hate this sappy sentimental mode. And as Candy Dulfer does a Reba in the background, I write away my thoughts as if they are my truths.

We spoke again today...but even with the exchange of words, I have my doubts of any connection between us. Sadly. But it's not that I'm dying for us to have any. Actually, I have to be thankful to this person because I was able to realize that I haven't been living for the past four years. It was only last year to this day that I gave myself enough credit.

I think it's about time I live my life. I should stop being too hard on myself and just let it flow. I even feel that I am back at 23. Yes, I was 23 when things were really happening for me and I was happy and carefree and have a better view of the future. Now that I am partly living the future I had hoped for back then, I just wanna go back. But then I also remember I was 23 when I first got my heart broken so badly. I've gotten over it, and even regret getting myself in that kind of situation. But just the same, I am thankful if only for the experience. The getting over part is such a familiar feeling now. I'd gladly go through it to bring my life back.

Come to think of it, if I hadn't been hurt before, I would already be so messed up by now following all the regret and ill feelings towards this person who recently broke my heart because of years and years of lies. I have already given this person so much of my life only to tell me in the end that he lied. Now when I look back, I dunno if there's anything he said that was true. But the good news is I was over this person in a heartbeat the moment he said that he lied. Twas easy to forgive too. Surprisingly. I suppose, it's useless to really dwell on it. The weird thing is, I've already forgiven this person for the wasted years, but this person just had to take my mailbox and a blog down with him. But it's water under the bridge . I am so over that part of my life.

I'll be turning 31 soon. It's about time I live my life without intellectualizing every move I make. A lot has changed anyway. I'm braver and more relaxed now just as I was , when i was 23...

3 comments:

ishizzyounot said...
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ishizzyounot said...
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ishizzyounot said...
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