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JOHN MOE'S POP-SONG CORRESPONDENCES, VOLUME VIII.
BY JOHN MOE - - - -
ATTENTION,
MR. AXL ROSE:
WE DID NOT FEEL WELCOME IN THE JUNGLE.
- - - -
Dear Mr. Rose,
I am writing on behalf of my wife, Thelma, and myself to demand a full refund of the $6,500 paid for our recent "Welcome to the Jungle" safari. I know you sensed our unhappiness during the trip, but I bet you wondered if we'd actually demand our money back. Oh, yes, we certainly are, mister. You bet we are.
I must admit we had our doubts when we first signed up. But the price was dramatically lower than any other safari we looked into and, since we're seniors on a fixed income, we figured this would be our best chance to see rhinos and the like. You and your colleagues, particularly Mr. Slash, were cagey about where specifically we'd be traveling. Thelma says she thinks some of the assistant tour guides might even have been on the drugs. You might want to look into that.
Just as I did at the time, I object to your blindfolding us for the entire trip to Africa. It was uncomfortable and frightening. After looking into it and calling some other tour companies, I've learned that you were wrong about everyone doing it that way. In fact, nobody does it that way, Mr. Rose. Nobody!
The trip was a disaster from almost the beginning. True, you welcomed us to the jungle. And that was hospitable. And right off the bat you promised fun and games. But there were never any fun and games! Would it have been so hard to put together a bingo or a quick trivia thing? Then you promised that you and the other fellows could find whatever we might need. Well, we needed food and somewhere to lie down for a while. And all you offered was some stale pretzels and an old futon. Your offer to somehow acquire new diseases in exchange for extra money was very 0unsettling. I don't know if that's what the kids do these days, catch new diseases for fun, but that's not our idea of a good time! If anything, we were going to need extra medicine, not diseases.
Thelma and I thought right then that we should try to get out of there, but we didn't know how to get around in the jungles of Africa. You were all we had, Mr. Rose! Well, we should have just left anyway. Any encounter with a hippo or lion or monkey would have been better than staying with you. Your "learn to live like an animal" program was very hard on Thelma and me. And painful. I still don't understand why, if we were really in the jungle, we couldn't just see real animals instead of having to live like them. Also, I love my wife very much, Mr. Rose, but she is not "a very sexy girl." She is an elderly woman! And I don't think she is very hard to please; she just wants a pleasant vacation and some water occasionally.
Of course, then things got out of hand. All that business about us getting on our knees? Why, Mr. Rose? And why were you saying you were going to make us bleed? That was horrible! And I absolutely can't imagine why you would tell people in the jungle that they're going to die! That was mean and frightening! And through it all you kept saying, "Welcome to the jungle." Screaming it, really. But, frankly, I came to doubt your sincerity. I don't think you were really welcoming us at all. It was like you were trying to threaten and seduce us at the same time. That's not welcoming, and that's not what we signed up for, Mr. Rose!
One more thing: We have shown pictures of our safari to friends and relatives back here in Minnesota. And they think we were never in the jungle at all but rather in Los Angeles the whole time! It's not just the lack of animals (how could they all be sleeping, Mr. Rose?) that makes people think this; it's all the buildings, the cars with California license plates, and the people at the Whiskey-A-Go-Go nightclub. We suspect that those weren't native people dancing to tribal music, as you claimed, but "heavy-metal supporters" at a "rock show."
Please send us a full refund immediately. My best to Mr. Stradlin, Mr. Slash, Mr. McKagan, and Mr. Adler.
William Brownstone
Fergus Falls, MN
--------------------------------
*muffnote: this was on the this nifty site my dear island boy wanted me to read...
thought i'd share ... and for those not in the know- gnr had an album entitled the spaghetti incident.
I liked this week better than last week’s. I dunno. Perhaps it’s because I was able to accomplish more today…but I just did that over the last coupla days. Rachelle is already my certified gymgurlfren…oh goody! She admitted to me yesterday that she’s enjoying it so far, considering she’s only been there barely a week. I’ve lotsa munny this week--payday weekend-- now so I’m planning to throw my brother a 2-day overdue birthday celeb. I’m sure he’d like that…
I’m actually thinking if I should go and buy Mariah’s new album. I haven’t been buying cds lately. And I wouldn’t really mind if it’d be a Mariah. I dunno. I think her album’s gonna sound great in the car on long drives. I’m no Mariah fan but I just feel that it’s a good buy.
Here’s a list of the albums I’m gonna get this payday weekend:
1. X&Y-Coldplay
2. The Emancipation of Mimi- Mariah Carey
3. The story goes…- Craig David
4. Hand in my pocket acoustic- Alanis Morissette
5. The Fantastic 4 OST- Various Artists
I’m pretty sure I’d be adding some more along the way. Geez, I just hope that I won’t go over my budget.
E I G H T E E N H A L F T R U T H S .
BY CHRISTOPHER PAINTER
- - - -
1. Orange is the absence of all color.
2. A person cannot taste food unless it is mixed with blood.
3. George Washington's wooden eyes are on permanent display at the Smithsonian.
4. There's a tiny, almost invisible thread embedded in all U.S. Currency, and it is made from bumble bees.
5. The sentence "The quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog" uses every single fox cliche once.
6. If you feed a dog chocolate, it will not be able to sneeze with its eyes open.
7. The cheetah is faster than any other animal on land at making excuses.
8. Due to wartime rationing and a scarcity of all metals, the Oscars given out during World War II were manufactured from cattle bones.
9. Humans and dolphins are the only species that have sex for money.
10. A shark can detect one part of gin in 100 million parts of tonic.
11. Both Hitler and Napoleon were each missing one goat.
12. A rhinoceros horn is made of hate, accumulated and gradually hardened over the years.
13. Some almonds contain cashews.
14. An elephant can smell a broken heart up to three miles away.
15. The average human requires more calories to smile while eating a piece of celery than to frown and vomit it back up.
16. An ostrich's eye is larger than its capacity to love.
17. Leonardo da Vinci could simultaneously write backwards and upside-down with one hand and kill a man with the other.
18. Starfish harbor no regrets.
I’m on and off the panic mode. Geez. Should I flunk the board, I have nobody else to blame but myself and procrastinating ways. Drat!
I thought I was going to get my act together over the weekend but nooooo..I just pondered on life and tv and movies and playing with the kids. I also went with my highschool buddies and slept over. We just dined, talked and slept..Yup, all we did…and oh, we got to realize in unison that we’re not getting any younger. Yeah, yeah, rub it in!
A little side note here- The Old Spaghetti House is pretty okey. We liked their thin-crust pizza. I enjoyed my arriabiata although I’d still give it to piadini for their hands down to die for garlic oil concuction. Anyway, the highlight for Saturday was basically my line getting cut. To think I just owe them 600 bucks… drat! Stupid cashier or prolly people from Globe Galleria did not advise that I have partially settled that I only owe 600 and this was due on the 20th..and what? Twas only the 16th!
Oh well..I’m heading home now…I wanna rest. And prolly, again, attempt to review…yayahahahaha…
Check out pinoyexchange people…join the local and international issues thread. Great source of infotainment these days. Hehehehe…
A big sigh--I didn’t get drunk the following Friday… I was sooo looking forward to getting drunk but the taste of my first beer turned me off. It’s the fort strip again, with prior week’s bunch minus John. I distinctly remember having a pianini for dinner. A welcome treat from Pasto with mac salad on the side and about a glass each of lemon and raspberry iced tea. Ofcourse I was in the company of a wonderful friend who never runs out of interesting kwentos. She was reminiscing about someone while we evesdrop on our next table neighbor… if only for the beer, my night would have been off the wall fantastic..hay…but no twas alright at least I got to see some friends. The whole point anyway was to spend quality time with friends. A week after our friend’s declaration of pseudo-liberation, there she was—on to the next battle. She confessed anyway that she’s gotten so used to be with somebody that she doesn’t really want to even know how it is to be alone. She also said that she doesn’t see any hope in getting back together with estranged boyfriend. I say, this could be true.
On to the next Friday, I spent time in the gym pondering about the days to come. I was rushing for no apparent reason but I managed to do an hour on the treadmill. I skipped the sauna and just spent a good 10 minutes on the shower…I dunno. All of a sudden, I felt alone. I needed the refuge of my home. My family. Must be the island boy thinking about how he can get back at me. Not getting back together though, but just getting back over my so called cheating…like duh??? Oh well..life…I just wish I could earn my masteral in drinking pretty soon. Darn it!!!
Been awhile since I last downed a bottle of beer…I had no opportunity to do so until last Friday. A friend owed me and another friend, dinner for something he got both of us into. Hehehe… I always looked forward to spending time with these people because not only do I have fun but I also get treated to some fun intellectual talks. Incidentally, a friend is actually in the rut of a relationship, having taken a sorta “vacation” from a 5 year affiliation. Twas then the running topic for the night--the premise being LOVE SUCKS IN MYSTERIOUS WAYS…side-tracking on what sort of love you want in your life and what could prolly be the best song for that kinna love you pine for. This then got me thinking for the next few days…I still couldn’t tell what I really want…so I suppose it be safe to say that I want the surprise me kind of love…the one that would prolly make me sing to the tune of ebtg’s I didn’t know I was looking for love..hehehehe…
It’s always refreshing to know what sort of love one wants and that prolly puts the much needed pressure on your part to seek that kind of love you think you deserve. But what do I know? I think my friend John was right in saying that love only sucks when get yourself in a situation where you fall for someone but you don’t really want that someone to love you back because there’s a possibility that the love wont be genuine but would rather become an obligation so to speak… Well I’ve been having a rough ride with the island boy myself and we’re perhaps constantly on vacation. It’s the “hard to accept” kinna thing with us. I still end up with the eternal, “ I dunno” remark. It’s just about the only thing I can hold on to…the mystery, the enigma, the big question mark. Sigh, sigh.
Anyway going back to Friday, the rains didn’t dampen our gimmicky spirits. We started out quite late at around 10ish. We wound up at gourdo’s first munching on salad and pizza til our man-host brought out the beers..hehehe. We weren’t really planning to but it was on our other friend’s agenda when she asked for some mudslide and declared, “I wanna get wasted”. It was prolly prophetic on her part, because she was in the brink of wastedom in the middle of discussing her bangs with another friend we so missed. Aaaah, the life. I barely spoke about my sentiments though. I dunno..something about the setting that made me think of other things besides. I’m just enjoying the moment. Savoring the time spent. No need really to blurt out my inner drama. It’s even quite embarrassing.
We called it a day at around 230ish and so I got home around 3ish in the mawnin… to think I’ve work in 3hours tops…hehehehe… oh but I had lots of fun. I’m looking forward to another one of these. I could need some of these…
I am actually looking forward to a great hangover one of these days…
it's father's day today. but nothing much on the agenda as i'm lacking on the finances to back it up. so we ended up staying at home.and my dad's so not used to celebrating it anyway. a simple greeting would do.he actually hates gatherings.i think that's where i got my unenamoured take on parties and similar social brouhaha.
anyhoo, im still wondering whatever happened to a friend who plans to end things soon with the 'used to be special' person. it's sad but i understand where my friend's coming from. i wish both of them well.
Twas island boy's birthday last thursday.wasn't planning to greet him at all. but what do you know, he prolly got too excited he started calling me thru a payfone so should i confront him he can easily deny it. then true enough, right before the afternoon ended. he started what would be a series of sms's. ofcourse,he'd never miss those feisty words for the world. even weirder, i was there to oblige- not exactly happy to, but i did. something about keeping silence that agitates him even more.sigh.it's an unending cycle that i seem to always end up in.
speaking of cycle, aren't we just creatures of habit? well, same ole, same ole when it comes to my dad and his morning fits. Mom seems to be in the same rut. She too is at it again. But i love them and i wouldn't want it any other way. They may both talk too much, well they really have a lot to say-- but i love them both. i owe them not just my life but whatever i am right now. i suppose-i got their good genes. i cant imagine silent,unopinionated individuals as my folks.
I highly doubt I could go to my friend’s party tonight. It’s Jc’s treat at Bed in Malate. I know, I know. It’s not everyday that you get to share quality time with friends from dream but it’s been a loooooooong day for me already. Oh, the ever anti-social, boring me again…Plus I’m also thinking about tomorrow. I mean I have been late for the past coupla weeks. I’m almost always 3 out of 5. You can just imagine how much of that reflected on my paycheck today. I dunno what I’m doing with my finances. This month would prolly be the most challenging, most grueling and most frustrating. My munny from both my jobs both got delayed and I only got to rest easy just now. Then, enter the payables: I owe my mom some moolah, I need to pay some bills, plus I owe myself 5 grand. Geez. Father’s day on Sunday..I’m gonna have to buy something for the babies and my bro and my daddy ofcourse…It never ends! hay…but I shouldn’t really worry. It’s just munny…I can earn everything back. Well, I really hope so…
Strange happenings…
I’ve never been a Mariah fan but I would admit to singing her songs. I especially enjoyed her MTV unplugged cd which by the way is the only cd I have of hers. However I’d come across hits of hers in my multiplex tapes. I love singing ‘I can’t let go’ and ‘Love Takes Time’. Can’t believe I got that much cheese in me. Haha… but really, that recent performance on the MTV movie awards got me convinced that she’s back in the game, back in form—ready to reclaim her throne. It’s my lss this morning…hmmm, we be-long to-ge-therrr!
As expected, I was late for my cardio-funk class last night. Me and Teta of magic got carried away talking about some people and some things over the phone. It’s kinna nice to get to know her that it makes me wonder why some people find her to be such a snob and uptight. Must be because my tolerance level is pretty high also that’s why her personality didn’t put me off entirely. Plus factor perhaps would be the fact that she’s also from broad that we at some point have some things in common. Anyhoo, I’m getting off-kiltered again by my thoughts. So going back to the gym, I had a great time during my 45minute cardiofunk. I was able to follow better this week. I just did a 5 minute tread and 40reps of abdominals and about 30-40 minute shower. On top of everything, I was really feeling sick for most part of the day.
I often wondered when I’d ever get to enjoy holidays like today. Sigh. The price I have to pay for getting to do what I love doing. But hey, I need not complain... this actually makes me feel special. Like I’m not you’re usual run of the mill yuppie. I don’t make that much munny compared to my corporate counterparts but hey, no 6-figures can ever make me trade my job for the stress levels I’ll get from going corpo. Geez. Please… I’d rather be part of the academe than deal with biz peeps who feel they should enslave me to get their munny’s worth. Nah…Not my game.
shooting the bullets again…
• It’s back to school. And boy, oh boy, do I feel really poor these days. It’s really tough when you pay for your own educational endeavors. Geez, I’d sometimes ask myself, why did I ever get myself into this in the first place? Beats me most of the time. But I know, I know. I’m investing for the future. I’m down to my thesis and my practicum. And now, practicum is underway- and it’s a bit scary. It’s only now that I am getting nagged by the thought: am I really cut out for this? Could this be my destiny? Or is it just one of those many phases that a creature of habit like my self periodically gets into? Bummer.
• Last week I only went to gold’s twice. So this week, I’m tryna make up for it for the entire week. I have to get my munny’s worth..hehehehe…
• Am I being too conservative or what? But I got shocked when I went to the dry sauna, some girl joined me and she took her towel off. She was in the nude and I found myself tryna avoid looking. Then I went to the steam room and there’s this mommy who did the same… so her breasts were hanging loosely for the world to see.
• I treated my sister and my pamangkins along with my grand kids to a snack at chowking last Saturday after tryna shop around at Circle C.
• It’s Ram’s 7th birthday. They didn’t prepare anything so I ended up buying palabok, cake and what have you for the little boy. He just requested for a cake but I bought food also for the rest of us, his well-wishers.
• I realize I am in deep debt…at least to myself. I only have a few grand on my account. But when I think about it even harder, it’s really the priceless moments I experienced over the weekend that mattered more. What would I do with lots and lots of munny if I’d be alone and no one to share it with? My dad talks about all the munny he has and how he wants me to handle everything cuz they’re all under my name. If I didn’t value pride of work as much as I do now, I could just stay at home and not do anything. Splurge here and there cuz my dad could afford it. But I’m not like that. He worked hard for all those. And I’m just happy that my parents are allowing me to work hard for my keep as well. I may not get a lot of zeros in my paychecks, but I’m happy in the fact that my jobs allow me to enjoy what I do minus the stress and it allowed me to work on my masters also.
This is me, making up for lost blogging time. I wasn't exactly busy, it's just that I couldn't seem to consolidate my thoughts whenever I decide to write. so I always end up not writing at all. I'm pretty distracted I should say. About a lot of things. Too many happenings that may not even be tolerable for some people. I think it's just pointless to write them one by one now. I'm surviving. I'd like to think that at least.
I've been going to the gym for a month now. about thrice a week. and my folks say I kind of, sort of,lost some weight. Which is pretty good. I actually feel better. I feel much lighter.
I'm in the pits again. I've been late for the nth time. It's just getting harder and harder each day to force myself to get up and get going. the moment I do get up, I just end up playing with chanchan because, my gad, ...the kid is just so adorable. And just this morning, I woke up pretty late and he was just there lying in bed, and babbling something that got us both giggling. I wonder when he'd finally be able to speak clearly. Can't wait actually. I hope they'd still be around when he gets to do that. They're actually leaving for canada pretty soon. It hasn't really sunk in so, I'm just whiling away the time before it really gets to me.
This year, at least for the first quarter of 2005, nothing excited me more than my illicit affair with the mother of reality tv competitions—and that’s American Idol. Iremember getting influenced by my friends and co-workers late in season 3, I was quite interested and impressed by the production value of the show. For me the contestants were just secondary. The show in itself, the concept and the presentation appealed to me more than the players.
I’m still reeling from the fact that I spent a good three months eagerly anticipating and really keeping track of the developments in the show. Never was I ever more interested in any other tv show,well apart from Sex and the City and Six feet under perhaps, but there’s just something about American Idol this year that really got me hooked. And I think I can explain it in two words: Bo Bice.
He’s the southern long hair dude who calls Alabama his sweet home. Ooh boy, oh boy.
Early in the game, you already get to pick out your favorite from the bunch. I was still optimistic about Philippine bet, Shar, formerly of Smokey Mountain. But twas really a certain Carrie, a smoldering Constantine, a smoothie Travis and a brow-raising Bo, Harold, if you may, who not only caught my attention, but more like caused and eventually fed my addiction. Oooh, even the Federov guy was pretty cute. I remember texting an officemate how I found Anthony cute and how the boys were way more talented than the girls. Whenever it’s the girls competition, I couldn’t get myself to stay awake for the rest of the show but when it comes to the guys, I can’t wait for the next day to talk about it with friends. Throughout the show I would text my friend and share comments. And week by week, my devotion to Mr. Bice only became stronger and more intense. Hahahaha. I can’t believe I just wrote that.
Down the wire, right on the finals week, I only learned about it the next day, but our baby Bice got sick. Apparently, he got food-poisoned. That explained much about how he was not his usual self, but the voice—definitely Bice! T’was just surprising that he was made to sing quite an obscure song as opposed to Carrie’s very high on recall, Angels Brought me Here. Naturally, the judges loved the rendition. Well how can you go wrong with a hit, right? And how could she not cash in on that. She’s also an equally worthy opponent. Our baby Bice though, helpless as he was, just stood there and pointed that he’s a singer, and he’ll sing anything that’s given to him. Respect and props to you our venerable Harold. He sang Inside your Heaven, the season 4 song, with much emotion and much heart and soul. And people not only saw and heard him but much more, connected with him. However, Carrie got the better end of the deal which after sometime, gets a little easier to swallow and accept knowing that now, right NOW, Mr. Bice would have a better career ahead of him, following the footsteps of another close runner-up Clay Aiken, who even at his stature, is a fan and would definitely pale in comparison to Bice Bice Baby.
Ben Stiller, is also a fellow fan. He even admitted that he voted for Bo about 200 times. Same with Kirstie Allie and who could forget Pamela Anderson. I’m pretty sure if Hall and Oates were asked, though they like Savol as much, they’d pick Bo anytime.
Oh well, the season’s over. And although I’ll miss those Idol moments, I doubt I could give this Idol worship a rest. I’ll just have to content myself with the downloads til Mr. Bice already releases his album late June or early July. Oooh, you bet this girl can’t wait. I’m also praying that some kind soul could bring them over. I’d be the first in line to see, sweeeeeetttttt home Alabama boy who just lets you drift away in his vehicle to go to his corner of the sky where I could get my much needed remedy cause I don’t wanna be lovesick anymore and honestly, I wouldn’t mind if I’ll be tied to a Whipping post next to him as he sings Don’t let the sun go down on me cause I know he’s the kind of guy who wouldn’t leave you for the love of money even if its just within a dream or his version of Heaven. Ahhhhhhhh…cant wait any longer. Bo, I wonder how it is to be Inside your heaven, hunny! Hehehehehehe…Oooh, never mind the long long road… I can’t believe I came up with something like that. I must really be deep into the addiction already. I even got into word fights on pinoyexchange all because of Mr. Bice.
Anyway, I think I better get going. I’ll try my best to curb my idol worship quota for the day. Hehehehe…I said, I’ll try!
it's another busy week for me and i love it. and temperatures withstanding, i should say twas a nice week. the island boy was pretty calm mostly, but he got so upset to find out about my going to the gym. what's wrong with that? well apparently, he feels for those labourers and even the unemployed who cant afford a decent meal for the day. well i feel for them too, but is it my fault if i have two jobs and i have parents who can support me? i mean i also work hard. it's not like i just sit around and wait for munny to be given to me. i also exert effort and do my share. geez.it's just unfortunate for them to be in a more compromising situation.i dunno. sometimes i think island boy's so intelligent he forgot his sensibilities.
oh..such a hot day......
I’ve been very tired these days. I started things pretty hectic on a Monday. Yesterday, I went to PRC to file for my application for the LET. Gad. T’was really toxic. Thank god for my daddy and my friend Odette. I dunno. I didn’t think I’d survive the toxicity of that place. Anyway, I’m still lucky, cuz although I was stupid/clueless and all, I didn’t have to go thru that long a line and stay there for hours and hours on end.
Things went pretty smoothly for me, fortunately.
Fast forward to today, no lunch Tuesday. And there are not so new things to be followed at dream that I didn’t get to do..hehehe..twas still fresh and my mind has yet to adjust.hehehehe..how embarrassing!
Anyway, from novaliches to pasig. After going down the murt, I get on to my usual routine of hailing a cab at the corner of guadix. Although there’s a big sign that reads: no loading and unloading, our culture dictates otherwise. Twas partly my fault since I knew twasnt supposed to be done but still for my convenience, I went ahead. To the driver’s misfortune, he was apprehended by the irate mmda dude. I was forced to flash my kbp id which partly worked-- (that) the mmda dude got me another cabbie instead and carried on with the usual apprehension for merienda procedure. Drats.This happened with “My Fair Share” in the background. Funny when I think about it- as Seals and Crofts burst\into the chorus…” justice is a la-dy…I’ve had my fair share”, I can imagine how the driver felt since his license has yet to be redeemed from a previous violation. Oh well, I tried to help out. I did my share...hehehe.
So what’s the moral of the story here? There are still people who believe in the system and fight for it. That should be proof enough that prolly there’s still hope in the system. I see no reason why we should stop believing.i just hope to god he's just not hungry for merienda..oh please...
the book that earned me a flat!!! yup, my final grade's a clean 1.0 for this course... 
finally...after being a member for a good 2 years,my friend and i have decided to hit the gym. by next month, we'll be forcing ourselves to sweat and shape up gold's gym-style. tina dy, the sales director of the gym happily accommodated me and mayah last night. the concept is kind of exciting but i dunno.this is something i should look forward to, not dread.why should i dread it? i paid for the friggin thing.just have to break my back to pay it some more.hay.but come to think of it, everything now comes with a price tag and it's for my health anyway, so i better be happy to shell out the bucks for the pounds --i must say.
oh, i miss playing the cock..(hmmmh) i meant badminton, okey.the shuttlecock.none of my friends are free to play these days. everyone's just so friggin busy.i've to understand.im guilty myself. 
