Sunday, November 19, 2006

a need to whine...

Everyone's pretty occupied with the Pacquiao-Morales fight. The usual busy packed streets are amazingly clean and clear. Meanwhile, ABS CBN's been raking in the money from the sponsors. Bleeding it to the last drop. Geez. I just hope Manny brings this one home...

Well anyway, I'm not about to whine about that, I am whining about someone... I saw him today. But he didn't even say hi. I dunno what's wrong. I just hope he's really busy. It's been days, not that I should be affected. But I guess I am. See, this is what I really don't like about me. I kept to myself for too long and now, I've been missing this person so much. I am so tempted to tell him, but I just might turn him off. That's the last thing I would want now. Although I am feeling ultra sensitive about it right now, I know it's just the hormones working. Honestly, I don't think I can handle a relationship anymore anyway. I dunno. I'm just playing it cool for now.

Speaking of playing it cool, an old friend just made his presence felt. I didn't know that he's a regular reader of my blog. So HELLO THERE... this is about you alright. Nice to hear from you. and yeah, I'd definitely want to mess around with you..hahahaha.

Anyway, my spirit is picking up. It's starting to rain. Think it's time for me to get ready to go to the grocery. Ahhh, the life---retail therapy still rocks my socks!!!hehehehe.

Saturday, November 18, 2006

three's never a crowd...

One of the few perks from working at trapik.com is working with great people. People I become attached to. People I've grown to love and respect. People I love to be associated with. People I've come to be super friends with. From the djs to my co workers..to my seatmates and even Manong July, my stay at trapik would always be cherished. Not that I'm leaving anytime soon. Although I should, to pursue other things, but I dunno, I just love the place. What other job would give you as much freedom, as much fun, as much great characters than our little company? (Well, uhmmmh, dream is also a great place to work in...but I'll write something about it later)

Anyway, I am getting very warm and nostalgic about trapik all of a sudden following my brief but nonetheless wonderful encounter over lunch, with two of the great finds at trapik: Karen and Dindi. Ofcourse Karen was my ever worry wart seatmate back then while Dindi was her friend. Eventually we all became friends and I even get to work with Dindi after her stint at trapik. Both are younger than I am but when it comes to other stuff, believe me, I am left way behind. Hahahaha... I really feel so blessed having known these two. I am really genuinely happy that both of them are able to live their dreams of being part of the industry that I so love. I mean, not a lot of people are given this much opportunity. And being such an old school dj that I am, I would only want those deserving to be called my colleagues. I mean radio is still and should always be about the voice and the personality amalgamating with the music and the personality of the station. Never about the looks as the new school of radio is trying to pervade. You know even if we don't earn as much as all those big time managers and executives from those multinational companies and shit like that, I am very much happy with my job. The trade off is worth it. I suppose this is where I get my youth. Not that I have Peter Pan tendencies, it's just that, the reality is I am not getting any younger and for some people, this industry may not be too kind even to the gracefully aging beings like me. But I always believed that if you're good, you'll always have a place. That's al there is. Your passion will drive you and give what's due for you. This may sound as if I'm romanticizing it all, but corny as it may, I really feel that there's a substantial amount of truth to it.

Anyway, back to Dindi and Karen, I am so happy that finally, our dear Sexy Terry is over her big mistake that was Eric. I always know that good things happen to good people, and she's done her part and now she's at peace with herself. I also wish Dindi would finally find her true happiness, be it migrating to Canada, or finding her own Borat, a willing and abled guy who could sweep her off her feet, make her laugh and simply just ...you know, satisfy her. Hahahaha.. (she might get to read this, patay!) Anyway, aside from these two being so in-the-know, I am also thankful to them for changing my perspective on purchasing great brands in a heartbeat. I mean, I've always loved Marks & Spencer, especially when they go on sale but did you know that years ago, I'd be adamant to spend my hard earned moolah in a snap on branded stuff. But all that changed when Karen was convincing enough to tell me that Topshop aint that pricey for such quality. And after a few shopping bags from that fantastic store, I am indeed a convert. Even drawn to Dorothy Perkins. Meanwhile Dindi's contributions are Dupe and Debenhams.

Last night I was also with an old friend. My old boss Sir Brent was in the neighborhood while me and Grace were having dinner at Kitaro. Grace had a scheduled interview at around 10, so we just had a nice warm dinner to pass time. Sir Brent was walking down Emerald and saw me and went in and we tried to catch up. The chitchat went on til Grace had to leave, and Kitaro had to close. So we decided to relocate to Starbucks as he was craving for some hot tea. It's nice to see him lose a lot of weight. Looks better now and he seems more at peace now more than ever. Again, good things happen to good people. Just a little work and patience. Can't wait to see the other guys from Home, if only Pancho could come visit. I miss getting drunk and wasted with those blokes. Hahahaha...

See, I am really really happy with the kind of friends I have. And so if I may suggest, try to choose your friends--you can always do so. It's not a crime. Nothing wrong with being friendly, but make sure you keep a considerable distance to those you don't really like. Sometimes being too polite could keep you from choosing your friends or the people you keep for company. I'd say, don't ever ever give in to the pressures. I am telling you--YOU can choose your friends. I am happy with my choices now. Never been happier.

Friday, November 17, 2006

we ride... yeah we ride we ride...

The week just went by so fast. It's already friday and I am so stoked for the scheduled sale later at galleria. Can't wait to get my hands on a new pair of shoes I'd been eyeing for a month and something from my favorite shops, Topshop and Dorothy Perkins. Now, don't get me wrong. I'm not at all materialistic or anywhere near that. It's just that I am a strong believer in the healing power of retail therapy. hahahahaha...

I feel I need to reward myself for working hard and just keeping it steady despite outbursts of problems here and there. See, I don't really live a perfect life but thank god for my jobs and my family, even if certain things don't go my way all the time, I can still find something good about the kind of work I have and the kind of people I am around with.

These days, it's still my masters that's been a constant bother. I am back to thinking if if I should still pursue it or what. By next academic year, I'd be on my 6th year and anyone from UP would very well know about the MRR... Meaning, should I wish to continue, I'd already have penalty courses. And the stressing will ofcourse carry on...dang!!! I figured, I've really experience just about everything I never got to experience back in college. Imagine, enrolling prerog, getting an incomplete, changing of matriculation and so on an so forth. Hay... but I filed for residency this semester and I did it the hard way. It took me three days to finish everything. I went there last Tuesday, but there weren't any advisers available. I was running so late. Then Wednesday came...I was able to finish with the form 5 and all but twas past 1130 and so I wasn't able to pay. I asked Dindi for a huge favor, but just my luck, she got there 432...and you know how these UP police are... power trip anyone???

So I had to go back Thursday for another rendezvous with the UP community. It was no more than 10 minutes of waiting and so I had enough time to go around the Shopping Center which I so missed. Went to the coop and got me some drinks. Was thinking of buying stuff for baking but had to restrain myself. There were just too many. hahahahaha... Anyhow, thank god, the day went by smoothly. Wasnt late for Dream and the manong cabbie was nice. I still had time to make chika with Miss J when I got there.

Speaking of Miss J, we were just talking about birth control methods and all yesterday, for what reason I shant disclose. Hahahaha. But anyway, I was just saying earlier on that I'm back to age 23,well hell yeah. I am back. I used to think that I wouldnt have kids and not even get married. And for a brief moment, I was convinced that I should. But again, things happened. Now, I have decided. No kids for me. How about a husband? What for? Maybe a life partner but we dont have to get married and complicate things even more. But anyhow, I'd have to pay my ob-gyne a visit, needa be popping pills again but I'm so intrigued by how that injectible works. Hmmmh.

I was thinking of getting a haircut this weekend. I think I'm going out tomorrow with some friends for lunch. Tonight's still free. But I have alaready made plans for Sunday and the rest of the coming week. And boy oh boy are we in for a lot of waiting in line and all. Papers are almost ready. But I've been having second thoughts now if I'm gonna leave the country for good. Cold feet...Canada is no fun. If I could bring all my friends with me, my god, that'd be the best. But I dunno. Lots of thinking and pondering. I have a beautiful house here. A car. I've got everything here and so much more. I know if I would give it sometime, I'll get the same stuff there but it wouldnt be the same...

My dad would say it over and over again to me that we all chart our destiny. Told him, doesnt take a rock scientist to figure that out, but he said, I need to be constantly reminded... being the bratty stubborn kid I am...hahahaha.. It's a good thing my parents did not meddle so much with my life... I mean they didn't pressure me to be this and that and all. They made me decide on my own. They dont even care if I make munny or not. See, this is exactly what I'd miss if I leave everything behind. My mom doesnt want to leave while my dad can't because he had to take all my brothers police records. Yep, twas the easiest way to fix my bro's probs, and he being the junior, my dad just decided to take the liabilities. Hay...

By the way snaps for me, my biz is doing well. And I'm actually thinking of expanding to other items. Hmmmh... I'll see.

Oooh, I was able to swing by the gym last night. Had a blast doing 30 minutes on the treadmill and strengthening my arms and legs. Did some for the abs too minus the machine. My arms are kinna shaky already. I think I overdid it..hahahaha. But yeah, I am loving the gym again. I hope this will carry on. There's a good deal being offered to me, around 11 grand for 14 months. which I think I'd get, so I'm again saving up for that. I still have to come up with 10 grand for Ayie's shocks...

I really think it's going to be a great friday all the way... I dunno why but I just feel it.

Saturday, November 11, 2006

filling the blanks...

I hate this sappy sentimental mode. And as Candy Dulfer does a Reba in the background, I write away my thoughts as if they are my truths.

We spoke again today...but even with the exchange of words, I have my doubts of any connection between us. Sadly. But it's not that I'm dying for us to have any. Actually, I have to be thankful to this person because I was able to realize that I haven't been living for the past four years. It was only last year to this day that I gave myself enough credit.

I think it's about time I live my life. I should stop being too hard on myself and just let it flow. I even feel that I am back at 23. Yes, I was 23 when things were really happening for me and I was happy and carefree and have a better view of the future. Now that I am partly living the future I had hoped for back then, I just wanna go back. But then I also remember I was 23 when I first got my heart broken so badly. I've gotten over it, and even regret getting myself in that kind of situation. But just the same, I am thankful if only for the experience. The getting over part is such a familiar feeling now. I'd gladly go through it to bring my life back.

Come to think of it, if I hadn't been hurt before, I would already be so messed up by now following all the regret and ill feelings towards this person who recently broke my heart because of years and years of lies. I have already given this person so much of my life only to tell me in the end that he lied. Now when I look back, I dunno if there's anything he said that was true. But the good news is I was over this person in a heartbeat the moment he said that he lied. Twas easy to forgive too. Surprisingly. I suppose, it's useless to really dwell on it. The weird thing is, I've already forgiven this person for the wasted years, but this person just had to take my mailbox and a blog down with him. But it's water under the bridge . I am so over that part of my life.

I'll be turning 31 soon. It's about time I live my life without intellectualizing every move I make. A lot has changed anyway. I'm braver and more relaxed now just as I was , when i was 23...

Thursday, November 09, 2006

back tracking on a some-such Thursday morning...

Thank you is the new OK. It just became apparent to me more than any other time when you want to end a not so welcome conversation, all you have to is to say thank you. But ofcourse this is assuming that the other person is not too giddy nor too self-centered and insensitive. Which will probably be the case since any conversation with such a person who is giddy, self-centered and insensitive would not be welcomed. Anyway, I brought this up because yesterday, a friend said, her long time bf now an ex was tryna make conversation thru text. Ofcourse she wasn't interested anymore so what does she say? Your guess is as good as mine. An ice cold Thank You will always do the trick. Not in my book though. If I'm uninterested in making conversation, I leave it to body language and not say a word. I always think that a mere word is even too much to give to a person so undeserving of my time. My time is precious and moreso my thoughts and my words. This is what I've realized the past few. That from now on, I shant waste my time on things, especially people who cannot be trusted nor those who are just about feeding on one's vulnerabilities.

Speaking of vulnerabilities, I am about to give in to this "thing". Hahahaha. Funny how I'd regard it as such. Well, let's just say this thing puts a smile on my face. Gets me thinking about it even long after I've exposed myself to it. In a nutshell, it does make me happy. And who knows I could even be happier if I just give it a try. A friend said, what have I got to lose? Well aside from the technicalities of one thing, I might actually enjoy it too much, I might not be able to get over it and I just might become addicted. (hmmmh, no pun intended--promise!)

Anyway, today I started with my biz venture with my mom, reselling nice bags at el cheapo price tags. I went to the main shop with mama earlier but our contact person has yet to arrive. So I had to leave already and just trust my mama's taste. I got to sell 3 bags already. Without really trying so hard. The bags are real pretty anyway...no need to really do some salestalk. hehehehe.. I'm happy about it-- really!!!

Cheers to my endeavors!!! hehehe...

Sunday, November 05, 2006

of christenings and reminiscing...

Even if all I had hopes of hitting the spa yesterday, I didn't get to go. and why? I got myself splurging on stuff along the way. Hahaha. I got me some new possessions: a nice black and white tote bag, 3 new blouses and 1 pricey pair of jeans. And for what? Well, I just find shopping therapeutic. I was smiling ear to ear carrying all the shopping bags as I looked on for other potential buys. When I got home, my mom said I might be sick already, but then she was quick to realize too, that what'd I do naman with my hard-earned munny--ofcourse, spend it--right???

Massage will come in later and it's fo-sho!!! My mom's even going with me.

Anyway going back to yesterday: My mom and I came up with this chocolate bouquet for Cha and the kids. It turned out well and it made a great centerpiece for the gifts table, if I may say. Hahahaha. I think my mom and I are going to make a career out of it. May dad even said: may racket na naman kayo!!!

So off I went to Cha's at around 4pm'ish. I took Ayee with me. I had a hard time parking, if it weren't for Johann. Ever the helpful friend that he is, he found me a spot. Yey. But you should have seen how frustrated I was not being able to have it any easier. Bwehehehehe. After parking, Johann and I went in and Cha welcomed me and asked me together with Johann to go up and see the baby. We didn't catch him there. Apparently, he was in the living room with yaya. Photo ops, ofcourse. Weeeee, I got to carry Baby Philip Richard. He was so tiny and cute. You know how much of a sucker for kids I am... anyhoo, it's so weird cuz yaya thought that me and Johann were a couple cuz Kuya Bannie took a picture of us with the baby. Oh no!!! Anyway, after the photo ops, I joined Miss J and Nel and teacher Dottie and a friend. Lem was there too very busy with his gameboy. The food was great as always. Cha really has a knack for these things. I absolutely loved the lengua and the mixed veggies. After eating and catching up with Nel and meeting teacher Dottie, Miss J and I went outside to wait for Renee and Sir Gines. Johann was there and he was smoking with a certain Cocoy and if I'm not mistaken, he's from Crossover. Anyway, Kuya Bannie joined us again and we were talking and talking when Sir Gines got there in a few. He did gain some weight but he still looked great. I miss his antics and boy, oh boy, are we in for a night full of such? You can bet on it!

We sat in a table together with Toni and her husband. Toni's actually a former Kool talent who's now at WRR. Sir Gines didn't wanna eat yet and so we spent most of the time tryna catch up with everyone's life. Renee came in late. Fashionably at that. Apparently, she had to run some errands for her folks. It would be the first time that she and Johann would be in the same event since they broke up last year. Hmmmh. Anyway, it turned out well and we all got lost in our conversations about love, life and the past. Even Ricky Reyes and Chika Mo, Chika Ko were topics not spared for the wonderful evening. The exchange of stories just kept on coming, but then me and Miss J had to call it a night since we were both getting sleepy. Keep in mind that I started the day quite early. Not to mention I was driving too. So a little before 9 I was already on the road home. Miss J and Kuya Bannie hitched a ride with me, and for the first time I'd be driving at night, by my lonesome and over at no less than Elliptical Road..wohoo!!! I arrived safe and sound and just 10 minutes before a downpour.

Uncle got me worried about Ayee though. He said he smelled something burnt. That got me worried too since he also pointed out a trail of liquid from where I came from to where I parked. But I checked the temp and all the gauges for any possible abnormalities but I thought everything was fine. And it was, just that the steering fluid, according to my dad, was already spent.

Anyway, the day ended well. I was sound asleep by around 12midnight. I waited for Venus to go online but she didn't, and so I was able to finish the music video I made for Chanchan and Leclec. I hope to put it up soon if I could. Hehehehe. I'm still tryna figure out how to use Adobe Audition so I could cut the music shorter.

I'm still missing my Chanchan. = ( but I'm thankful for days like these. Makes me feel blessed. It's just so wonderful that christenings are the just about the perfect time for reminiscing. It keeps you in touch with yourself and what you've become with the people around you helping you remember where you've been and why exactly you're doing what you're doing. Hahaha.

Saturday, November 04, 2006

addicted to...

Bamboo was doing a Marley earlier and it got me thinking of how I've been impatient lately. Then I realize how it must have been for my baby. I know he's been waiting for me for more than a week now. Tsk.

My patience is being tested every single day. And right now, while I'm supposed to be doing the playlist, I take time off to write. It's just there's too much in my head at this very moment. I can't seem to concentrate on doing just one thing. After this I'm heading straight to the spa. My feet and my back are just about hurting like hell. I've been coughing incessantly since I got here. I suppose the allergies are catching on early.

To date, I've spent 5k on medicines for the past two weeks and yet I haven't fully recovered. I really don't like going to the doctors for the checkups. I mean, I wouldn't really wanna find out what's wrong with me. It'll drive me nuts. I've been feeling pain all over the body, not to mention my asthma is at its peak these days.

I'm so hungry. But I've decided to fix my life and start thinking about my health. Hope to get back to the gym Monday, which reminds me, I have to hook up with Tina Dy and Mays my friend. Oh man, I miss so many things. But I suppose, everything happens for a reason so I really need not worry. Just need to focus and do what I have to...

Christmas next month. Oh boy, oh boy....

It's a choice: Vancouver, Buffalo or Jacksonville.hmmmh. Damn.

Friday, November 03, 2006

gasping for air...

It's another terrible day I'm tryna survive. I've my extra 250 already so I should be able to buy me some drugs. Hahahaha. I'm the addict asthmatic. I hope to fully recuperate by next week. Looking forward to the massage and the christening tomorrow... can't wait to see Sir Gines and the rest of the guys from Kool.

Oh, I'm spent.

bringing back the wave...

The handshakeSeals the contract
From the contractTheres no turning
backThe turning pointOf a career
In korea, being insincereThe holidayWas fun packed
The contractStill intact
The grabbing handsGrab
all they canAll for themselvesAfter all
Its a competitive world
Everything counts in large amounts
The graphOn the wall
Tells the storyOf it all
Picture it nowSee just howThe lies and deceit
Gained a little more power
Confidence
Taken inBy a sun tanAnd a grinThe grabbing hands
Grab all they canAll for themselvesAfter allIts a competitive world
Everything counts in large amounts
The grabbing handsGrab all they canEverything counts in large amounts

Thursday, November 02, 2006

early friggin retirement

I just realized how much I've lost when my stupid email retired itself. I just found out that my adviser just left for the states and would be back sometime in January. Meaning I wouldn't really know if she approved the draft I sent her and I really dunno what to do this coming semester, being the "great" student that I am. All because of a stupid fucking email glitch.

You see, it ain't just a fucking address book. Oh, it's more than that. It's prolly less than a way of life, but it's more than just a fucking address book.

Oh yeah, some trouble. Great, just email everyone a new email addy. What a bright refreshing idea. Right??? How hard can that be???


Damn.


Wednesday, November 01, 2006

All Saints and Sinners...



Here's another one for the books...I got to chat with my baby and it's nice to know that he's doing better although he's still not up to our usual tete-a-tete. But it's all good.

I'm tryna fix everything. I might go there sooner than I thought I would. If I could just fix my papers. But I'm already processing my visa. If I could just come up with the munny right away.

It's a holiday today. Not much to do except traffic was especially tight around ABC that I was late for the afternoon slot. Thank god for Dindi's company, I didn't have to brave the darned thing by myself. Been suffering from impatience lately. My attention deficit gets worse by the day and I'm always restless. I dunno how I got to be this anxious. I've been wearing specs lately cuz I've been frequently getting dizzy at work. My eyes...oh my eyes. Anyway, I need a good massage. and I will get one this weekend. That's fo-sho!!! Hehehe...