feeling uninspired...

something about the pull of the moon and the stars of late... the girl attracts all the wrong people ... tsk tsk tsk...
she's been asking for someone to care about and love...but how come? ugh...

fade to black...

The girl hopes.  We suppose nothing could stop her. Not anyone, no nothing.


She keeps it all inside and it doesn't help that she still makes an effort to keep in touch.


She's a loser alright.

bad days be gone...

the girl is desperately looking for a reason to smile...i hear she could hardly find one. but she doesn't want to give up. she feels that if she gives up, she might not be able to see the day when all the bad would end. she wants to stay long enough til he finally comes back to tell her that things are as it should be...that things will be okay...

the girl is crossing her fingers. praying her heart out...keeping the mind busy. and fervently wishing for that day.

 

song for the day...

I haven't slept at all in days
It's been so long since we've talked
And I have been here many times
I just don't know what I'm doing wrong

What can I do to make you love me
What can I do to make you care
What can I say to make you feel this
What can I do to get you there

There's only so much I can take
And I just got to let it go
And who knows I might feel better
If I don't try and I don't hope

What can I do to make you love me
What can I do to make you care
What can I say to make you feel this
What can I do to get you there

No more waiting, No more aching
No more fighting, No more trying

Maybe there's nothing more to say
And in a funny way I'm calm
Because the power is not mine
I'm just gonna let it fly

What can I do to make you love me
What can I do to make you care
What can I say to make you feel this
What can I do to get you there

Love me..

quick cure for a bum heart...

Something I'm currently singing for him...

the ballad of a forlorn girl

suddenly, an emotional roller coaster... why she took the ride is beyond her knowledge.

people expect her to be smart all the time. she was able to keep up for the most part of her life. but she'd fall short at one point. more like at one aspect. more like when she falls in love.

is she really at fault? she tends to blame herself for allowing her to be where she is.

she has fallen in love more than once. maybe twice or thrice in this lifetime.

but she's still alone....she's awful at the game. she's too generous about giving love.

she wants to get a hold of herself. she wants to stop taking that ride...that emotional roller coaster ride.

the trip's been draining her energy. sucking the life from her.

what should she do? she has no clue. forever embattled.forever bamboozled.

she just wants to have somebody hold her hand while she figures out everything.

it's hard enough that she's confused. but she feels that that's not even half the difficulty of being alone and pretending that she's not...

is she going to be OK? she has to, and she pretty much hopes to..even prays and secretly wishes.

once again, her heart takes the beating...but this forlorn girl feels it's way better than not feeling at all. 

she wipes all the tears from her face. tries on a smile for a change...and secretly hopes that this person that she's so full of love for will never give up on her. she's not asking him to love him as much as she does...she knows that that will never happen.

but she's grateful. ever so thankful for his time. and patience...if she could only ask for more of those, she just might survive this. 

until then, forlorn girl.

the bottom line...

there's a girl who fell so ridiculously in love with a boy from a far far away place.girl knows she'll eventually get her heart broken, one way or another.but the girl is just too stubborn.

of blank stares on a hot summer day...

I know it's been awhile since I last wrote anything in here. Seems like a million years to me. Lots of things happened, yes. Couldn't begin to recall everything much more put them in a blog retrospective...highly doubt.

I have been tryna find some inspiration or someone to kick me in the butt because yes, I so feel like I'm in a rut.  Here I go again with this stoopid soliloquy.. which would have proven to be useful if I only I could  just use it for work. Drat.

I was told by someone to stop and smell the flowers and have some coffee.  Thing is, it came at a wrong time and just had me reduced to tears. Uhm, a lot actually. To the point that you cannot breathe and just made you just want to jump from the first bridge you see. 


I was able to finish what I'm supposed to.  Shocking, but not quite happy about it. But like someone told me, sometimes good enough will do.


Time for more of the blank stares. It might eventually prove to be therapeutic. Who knows!!!

waste not, want not...

How come we always seem to want the things we cannot have??? Argh. Boy Thursday you better be able to explain.

upping the stakes...

I just realized that the deal I made with myself isn't as clear cut as I would hope it to be... So lemme just say that twitter doesn't count in the deal. So as it is, I have til 12midnight tomorrow til we can truly say that it's a done deal. Yeah? Oh well.

If only he's bad looking and has bad sense of humor..if only he'd be full of himself..if only he'd be dumb...if only he can't speak well...if only oh if only...then things would have been so much easier.

i would if i could...

thinking about B again makes my tummy go bonkers. wondering what he's up to and where he's at right now. B doesn't need me. but I'm hoping he would. eventually... would you rather be needed or wanted? if it's not too much, I'd like to be both, thank you very much.

weather or not...sunshine after the storm...

I'd have to agree with my friend that the recent bout with Ondoy, er Ketsana gave most everyone the opportunity to see kindness in people...And I am so happy to have seen that too.

Two of my best buds in the world were greatly affected by the storm. Messing up their beautiful homes and damaging even their most prized possessions. But amidst all that rubble and the stench that the waters have left, there were so many invaluable life lessons to always look into for strength and inspiration.

I'm so lucky that we were spared. Somehow. I've already had my share of storms about a couple of months back. Like my friends, I wept, doubted, questioned and wept again. Felt helpless and disoriented at one point, and yet, I managed... Eventually, we'll all manage. With time the only thing left to be questioned...

Meanwhile, I pray for strength and for hope for all the people who have suffered and are continually suffering as I lay here resting comfortably in my room and blog away...

I pray for the day that they'll be able to smile again... the day that they begin rebuilding their lives... I pray for the day that they'll be out and about and ready to catch all the curve balls that life throws at them. I pray that I'd be witness to more acts of kindness and bravery and love...

I pray that everyone would pick up more than a thing or two from this harrowing experience. That this one will make them stronger, and so much better...

an interesting mea culpa...

to my dear b, i guess it was pretty obvious on how much i truly and sincerely cared for you... i was constantly thinking about your safety. about your well-being. and im just so happy that youre doing perfectly fine.wheewwww...

i met someone b...but somehow i dont feel as happy as i was when i met you. okey, that's kinna crazy...but it's true.we managed to have fun together, yes- but why do i always end up thinking about you...really weird, if you ask me.

but i just wanna thank you. for being in my life. please do take care...

w h y

why is it that when i attempt to take this person off my system, the more this person tries to initiate a conversation again? why? why does this person keep popping up at moments when im most vulnerable? why? why is this person just too cute to pass?grrrrr...i really hate this.i dont exactly hate this person, just the predicament i am in right now.. oh well.

the distance between us...

there are a couple of people i terribly miss right now. and then there's someone i'm trying not to miss.geez. and then i've met someone from quite a considerable distance and boy oh boy do i just wanna see this person right now. but the memory of this other person that i've been trying not miss just keeps on popping from time to time. no, i dont have quite an exciting love life, but rather a complicated one...and yet, i still continue to make it all too complicated for my own good.oh well...

the wheel deal...

Eventhough I vowed to chronicle every single eventful thing that happened to me since I started blogging again, well, guess what? I'm about a week delayed in doing so... Yup, and I'm just cutting myself some slack for slacking (hahaha!) because I was too damn tired of going around.

First up, it was sort of prophetic when I said that I need em falkens already...well, last Wednesday, after my shift at Mellow-- a flat tire said hello to me just as I was about to go home after a day's work. I couldnt use my handy dandy compressor for the car because my lighter jack blew up a few months ago, not mention my battery has been acting up thanks to the effed up automatic radiator fan which has been eating much of my current. So, I ended up driving on flat til the nearest gas station to get some air. Thanks to Nel for looking out and helping me out with the air and all... So that was fixed...I was really meaning to have it checked the next morning but not quite because it just went flat again (looking even worse). I wasn't able to go to work because of this...I had to use my remaining Dunlop reserve just to be able to drive again. But it felt kinna weird. The entire day felt kinna jittery and weird..steering was such an effort and a half... True enough the next day, I made a scene along EDSA. My tire decided to blow up...much like what happened to me the first few months of driving. I shouldve trusted my gutt feeling at the first instance but I was hoping to be positive but nothing can avert the inevitable...hahaha.. Couldnt call my dad, I knew he'd freak out...Didnt even bother telling my mom cuz she already told me to get new tires when she learned of the flat tire... And so I called my brother. He came to the rescue after an hour and some minutes. A couple of MMDA folks were quite helpful. Assisting me in parking it on the sidewalk but also pressuring me with the thought and possibility of getting towed...What??? That's an easy 1,500 they're saying... I didnt bother introducing myself from the media as I'm thinking it might work to my disadvantage. I called Glenda for help just in case towing might actually happen. But thank god, my Kuya was able to get there in time. I called my dad finally and told us to go get them falkens in Caloocan. Just as I thought my brother would know how to get there, hahahaha, uhm, we got lost. And the weather wasn't any help at all as my a/c decided to join in the fun and conked out... what the!!! So while manually clearing up the windshield and dealing with the traffic plus the floodings, we ended up taking it straight to the Nlex and even paying toll to get to Valenzuela... hahaha.. As soon as we got to a more familiar route, we decided to have lunch first before trying to look for the place again. Finally figured where it was, I got them tires...whewwww! Thank god!!! I really needed new tires else I'd have to commute to MOA that weekend for a station assignment. That Celeteque gig got me to see Dindz as she had to cover for her station and also our good bud Katrina aka Sexy Teri for dinner in Makansutra at the Manila Ocean park...

Now sporting new treads, Mcquee is supposed to be aok already. But wait!!! My a/c is still effed up!!! After trying to have it fixed for days and days, as of writing, it's still a wreck. Awwww.. It's a good thing that payday was just a few days ago. If not, geez-- I'd be forced to borrow munny from my folks.

I'm supposed to have started with the new gym, but with all my Mcquee concerns, I'd have to put it on the backseat...

dress to the ninth?

Heather Whipps
Special to LiveScience
LiveScience.com heather Whipps
special To Livescience
livescience.com – Tue Sep 8, 10:46 am ET

Have special plans this 09/09/09?

Everyone from brides and grooms to movie studio execs are celebrating the upcoming calendrical anomaly in their own way.

In Florida, at least one county clerk's office is offering a one-day wedding special for $99.99. The rarity of this Sept. 9 hasn't been lost on the creators of the iPod, who have moved their traditional Tuesday release day to Wednesday to take advantage of the special date. Focus Features is releasing their new film "9," an animated tale about the apocalypse, on the 9th.

Not only does the date look good in marketing promotions, but it also represents the last set of repeating, single-digit dates that we'll see for almost a century (until January 1, 2101), or a millennium (mark your calendars for January 1, 3001), depending on how you want to count it.

Though technically there's nothing special about the symmetrical date, some concerned with the history and meaning of numbers ascribe powerful significance to 09/09/09.

For cultures in which the number nine is lucky, Sept. 9 is anticipated - while others might see the date as an ominous warning.

Math magic

Modern numerologists - who operate outside the realm of real science - believe that mystical significance or vibrations can be assigned to each numeral one through nine, and different combinations of the digits produce tangible results in life depending on their application.

As the final numeral, the number nine holds special rank. It is associated with forgiveness, compassion and success on the positive side as well as arrogance and self-righteousness on the negative, according to numerologists.

Though usually discredited as bogus, numerologists do have a famous predecessor to look to. Pythagoras, the Greek mathematician and father of the famous theorem, is also credited with popularizing numerology in ancient times.

"Pythagoras most of all seems to have honored and advanced the study concerned with numbers, having taken it away from the use of merchants and likening all things to numbers," wrote Aristoxenus, an ancient Greek historian, in the 4th century B.C.

As part of his obsession with numbers both mathematically and divine, and like many mathematicians before and since, Pythagoras noted that nine in particular had many unique properties.

Any grade-schooler could tell you, for example, that the sum of the two-digits resulting from nine multiplied by any other single-digit number will equal nine. So 9x3=27, and 2+7=9.

Multiply nine by any two, three or four-digit number and the sums of those will also break down to nine. For example: 9x62 = 558; 5+5+8=18; 1+8=9.

Sept. 9 also happens to be the 252nd day of the year (2 + 5 +2)...

Loving 9

Both China and Japan have strong feelings about the number nine. Those feelings just happen to be on opposite ends of the spectrum.

The Chinese pulled out all the stops to celebrate their lucky number eight during last year's Summer Olympics, ringing the games in at 8 p.m. on 08/08/08. What many might not realize is that nine comes in second on their list of auspicious digits and is associated with long life, due to how similar its pronunciation is to the local word for long-lasting (eight sounds like wealth).

Historically, ancient Chinese emperors associated themselves closely with the number nine, which appeared prominently in architecture and royal dress, often in the form of nine fearsome dragons. The imperial dynasties were so convinced of the power of the number nine that the palace complex at Beijing's Forbidden City is rumored to have been built with 9,999 rooms.

Japanese emperors would have never worn a robe with nine dragons, however.

In Japanese, the word for nine is a homophone for the word for suffering, so the number is considered highly unlucky - second only to four, which sounds like death.

Many Japanese will go so far as to avoid room numbers including nine at hotels or hospitals, if the building planners haven't already eliminated them altogether.

and the holes are a plenty...

Hating the patches of asphalt which now have become mere dirt exposing holes and holes...and they are a plenty... Dodge em at all cost...else, suffer the consequences!!! I'm pushing my current treads to the test... but the Falkens await. I'm just crossing my fingers they wouldn't blow out before the new set takes over...

Also needing fresh supply of freon...and I really need to have my rear heads replaced. Those are just a few of things I need to do for Mcquee. Still gathering up enough moolah to kick it... Wish me luck!!!

the ballad of the rain...

I've always loved the rain... It's prolly the only force of nature I could truly say I enjoy. It's just amazing...I'm in awe. But driving can be pretty effing difficult. Not to mention, people around make it hard for you to drive safely and comfortably. Wouldn't go as far as blaming them for tryna keep it steady for safety reasons but what I hate really are effed up ballsy drivers who put you at risk. It is quite expected from bus drivers, but for private cars? Geez. Their licenses should be revoked. They've to go back to school and be rehab'd. And I don't really care if they drive a fancier car than I do, that certainly doesn't give them the right to put you in harm's way. Ack... I've already have enough potholes to deal with and then more assholes to reckon with. Argh!

I wish I had a driver though. But I have to say, in this day and age, sometimes, it's not really practical and quite risky as well. Just late this morning, a family friend's driver just molested and raped one of their househelps. She went to us because it was my mom who recommended her to my tita. Unknowingly, the ugly driver of my tita's son, was already molesting her and finally got what he wanted yesterday when he got the opportunity to do so. The poor girl was looking pretty startled, obviously clueless on what she should do, I suppose for fear that nobody would believe her. Actually, my mom didnt believe her until one of our helps backed up her story. Gawd. I wish her well and hope that justice would be served especially because I heard that ugly driver was quite annoying and full of himself despite the ugliness..yuckkk!!! I really hate it when people take advantage of other people and actually think they can get away with it. Geez. Take it from Milli Vanilli, though fake, they made sense when they told us to blame it on the rain...

absence makes the heart go ...

I've been on blogging hiatus for far too long. And although so much has happened, I just didn't feel like chronicling them down like I used to.

I've made several attempts to come back but like so many other things that I just lost interest in, I feel bad that this had to be one of them. But hey, I'm back...aren't I?

So what's been happening? I'm still tryna organize my life. Tryna strike a balance between my social life and my family life-- nope I didn't get married. Just taking care of my folks and our estate. Career is in full swing, I'd like to think. I've beautifully settled in my new home. And I have managed to fix my "faux consultancy" sked at trapik; sticking to the compromise and just tryna keep away from any eyebrow raising comments from the girl who thinks highly of herself. I'm tryna be a good employee for as long as I can. I just hope I'll be able to pull through...I'm giving it my best effort whilst crossing my fingers. (hahahaha!) I've also been busy tryna keep my purchasing gusto at bay... Surprisingly, I have been successful in doing this. And I'm truly proud of myself for doing so. One more thing that I should cross out on my to do list is to save munny. I have to go banking again, like I used to. Yes, I do bank a lot these days but it's mostly not my own munny. And not really saving up. But I must say, I handle other people's munny so much better than mine...

I'm tryna renew my passion for health. I'm tryna give up on a lot of things. And by god, it's gonna take a lot of myself to get used to it...

But we'll see. I'm throwing in a lot of prayer in all my endeavors. I'm gonna need a lot of help...any help I can get.