one september morn...

she couldn't stop thinking about him...it's not easy. she never thought it would ever be. but she wanted it to stop. she tried. and tried. to no avail. 

isn't it amazing that the brain is just one mighty powerful and deceiving machine? it obviously just made up the concept of the heart having a mind of its own and that at one point, to be really happy, one must follow it? christ!

you don't teach the heart, you program your mind, silly.

it's going to end soon. just like it did before.and many times before that. she just wishes she'd still come out not too beat up.and that she would still have something left for the next one which hopefully would be the last and the best one.

could it be that boy? she hopes and secretly wishes.but it's going to be tough. she doesn't know what she's up against. but she claims she'd be okey to love from afar. she's gotten so used to it by now. she just wishes this time, there'd be something going out her way too.

where is this coming from? they say it's from the heart...uhm, it's meant to be said again- it's from the brain hunny...the brain...your hypothalamus gland where else?

perplexing the heart on a monday morning...

she's utterly confused with the way things turned out. no questions asked though. certainly no answers given. no, nothing was said. nothing of that sort. it's not that she's not happy with how things ended. it just left a big question mark. it's not as if she's tryna hope for something more than what transpired. a period would have been more welcomed.

she's a nice person. she still believes that love can be saved. she's very hopeful, not for herself, but for other people. but still- she's confused. the answer- will it come soon?

spin cycle...

it's seems like a run at the laundromat... she's now on spin cycle mode. it seems like it's happening all over again. she's dizzy. but she's good. she's level-headed. she can take care of the situation. a friend tells her to put a period and never add any more elements to the story. reminding her of the guilty feelings it could amass. afraid.? more like anxious. not thrilled. not the least bit excited. perhaps overwhelmed. she says she misses that particular feeling...no, not love- just the feeling of being overwhelmed. ugh...

feeling uninspired...

something about the pull of the moon and the stars of late... the girl attracts all the wrong people ... tsk tsk tsk...
she's been asking for someone to care about and love...but how come? ugh...

fade to black...

The girl hopes.  We suppose nothing could stop her. Not anyone, no nothing.


She keeps it all inside and it doesn't help that she still makes an effort to keep in touch.


She's a loser alright.

bad days be gone...

the girl is desperately looking for a reason to smile...i hear she could hardly find one. but she doesn't want to give up. she feels that if she gives up, she might not be able to see the day when all the bad would end. she wants to stay long enough til he finally comes back to tell her that things are as it should be...that things will be okay...

the girl is crossing her fingers. praying her heart out...keeping the mind busy. and fervently wishing for that day.

 

song for the day...

I haven't slept at all in days
It's been so long since we've talked
And I have been here many times
I just don't know what I'm doing wrong

What can I do to make you love me
What can I do to make you care
What can I say to make you feel this
What can I do to get you there

There's only so much I can take
And I just got to let it go
And who knows I might feel better
If I don't try and I don't hope

What can I do to make you love me
What can I do to make you care
What can I say to make you feel this
What can I do to get you there

No more waiting, No more aching
No more fighting, No more trying

Maybe there's nothing more to say
And in a funny way I'm calm
Because the power is not mine
I'm just gonna let it fly

What can I do to make you love me
What can I do to make you care
What can I say to make you feel this
What can I do to get you there

Love me..

quick cure for a bum heart...

Something I'm currently singing for him...

the ballad of a forlorn girl

suddenly, an emotional roller coaster... why she took the ride is beyond her knowledge.

people expect her to be smart all the time. she was able to keep up for the most part of her life. but she'd fall short at one point. more like at one aspect. more like when she falls in love.

is she really at fault? she tends to blame herself for allowing her to be where she is.

she has fallen in love more than once. maybe twice or thrice in this lifetime.

but she's still alone....she's awful at the game. she's too generous about giving love.

she wants to get a hold of herself. she wants to stop taking that ride...that emotional roller coaster ride.

the trip's been draining her energy. sucking the life from her.

what should she do? she has no clue. forever embattled.forever bamboozled.

she just wants to have somebody hold her hand while she figures out everything.

it's hard enough that she's confused. but she feels that that's not even half the difficulty of being alone and pretending that she's not...

is she going to be OK? she has to, and she pretty much hopes to..even prays and secretly wishes.

once again, her heart takes the beating...but this forlorn girl feels it's way better than not feeling at all. 

she wipes all the tears from her face. tries on a smile for a change...and secretly hopes that this person that she's so full of love for will never give up on her. she's not asking him to love him as much as she does...she knows that that will never happen.

but she's grateful. ever so thankful for his time. and patience...if she could only ask for more of those, she just might survive this. 

until then, forlorn girl.

the bottom line...

there's a girl who fell so ridiculously in love with a boy from a far far away place.girl knows she'll eventually get her heart broken, one way or another.but the girl is just too stubborn.

of blank stares on a hot summer day...

I know it's been awhile since I last wrote anything in here. Seems like a million years to me. Lots of things happened, yes. Couldn't begin to recall everything much more put them in a blog retrospective...highly doubt.

I have been tryna find some inspiration or someone to kick me in the butt because yes, I so feel like I'm in a rut.  Here I go again with this stoopid soliloquy.. which would have proven to be useful if I only I could  just use it for work. Drat.

I was told by someone to stop and smell the flowers and have some coffee.  Thing is, it came at a wrong time and just had me reduced to tears. Uhm, a lot actually. To the point that you cannot breathe and just made you just want to jump from the first bridge you see. 


I was able to finish what I'm supposed to.  Shocking, but not quite happy about it. But like someone told me, sometimes good enough will do.


Time for more of the blank stares. It might eventually prove to be therapeutic. Who knows!!!