when the lacrimals give in...

about a week ago, after hearing and realizing some stuff told to me by a superior, i felt the world cave in and just crushed me to bits...

i know i needed it...i know i deserved it...but by god, i never thought i'd be hit like that...

i was contemplating forever if i should or should not and then i did...but now more than before, i can't believe i'm actually entertaining thoughts of doubt and restlessness about my decision...

but hey, i'm back to one piece...

sure it hurt me a great deal...only because this means a lot to me. if it still doesn't work, then maybe i should really give up...and perhaps it's a sign from god that i should move on...

i wish things weren't as complicated.

how i wish i was just waking up to another saturday morning when i was around 8 or 9..back when cartoons were my main priority every single weekend...

i'll always remember that very emotional evening...the lacrimals just wouldn't let up as i locked myself inside the car and just pour it all out.

uhm, i just dont ever wanna feel that way again.

lost in the crossroads...

i busted my right arm a couple of days back and the pain remains 4 days later and i'm getting even more emotional as i attempt to get my mind off it...

psychosomatic? i've been kinna down lately. and it has a lot to do with work.

it just baffles me to pieces why people put so much faith in you...and you- on your part- desperately- and really eagerly try not to let them down...you frustratingly shake your world to make room for whatever...

and then more doubts...more questions...more hesitations...

am i doing the right thing? have i made the right decision? what if i'm just doing this because i thought i could-- and then i really couldn't?

what if i've gotten so involved in this, that i just couldn't turn back? what if it's just pride eating me right now more than anything?

or perhaps i may have overestimated my self.

food trips and then some....

This is a super delayed post of the first ever (cooking) pot session held at the Minoza residence one Friday night... the carnage...

posing for posterity...

happy with the food...

our antipasti ... the table spread...

on the onslaught..picture of happiness...
happy and ful-filled...(stomachs!)

the buoyant ploy...

It sometimes amazes me how I manage to keep myself afloat despite some serious issues I have been tryna handle.

Mostly emotionally taxing, I just don't know where I pull it sometimes. Well we all have our weak moments which can eventually leave you with so much damage that you can't even imagine. But I never had one of that sort. Looking back at what I have gone through in the past, I'm just glad that I've made the right decision or at least, something out there forced me to make the right move.

I just recently found out what happened with GT and AK...and of course RT. I mean among all of them I was darn closest to RT to this day. He's [RT]finally having a baby. And I'm happy for him, but at the same time, I'm tryna recall why I ever even thought of being with that person. Geez. He could be such a dead weight, you wouldn't believe!

With regards to AK, it was a brief but memorable encounter. He too has a family now. Saw them on friendster.And boy, has he aged faster than I have. Like doubled his age. Well I do know that as the eldest in the family and with the loss of their dad, he really had to step up and fill his old man's shoes.Prolly had a lot to handle..tsk tsk... But boy, oh boy-- even if he's kind-hearted and sweet and all, he's still plain boring to me. Let's just say he wouldn't be able to keep up with how I think. Which is sad, because that's precisely the point why we couldn't even get past the mutual admiration stage. Although, we (or more like just I) don't really mean to look for an intellectual equal, it would sure make life a bit more meaningful if that significant other significantly contributes a great deal of thought and insights to a loving relationship. Argh.

GT is a no-brainer-bad-idea type thing...Well for one, a married guy?
Another, a constant liar? and hell, one of the not-so-good-looking-but-feeling-god's-gift-to-women sort of thing...in short, he's a major flirt... A kid also tamed his ways. Or so as I've been told. For years, he wanted to have a kid and made it as an excuse for his philandering ways. Geez. But I'm way past that. It's darn over and I'm so gladdddd!

So why am I all of a sudden waxing nostalgic? I dunno. Just felt like it. Because of sheer amazement perhaps..or the lack of better things to do..hahahah...

hearts all over the world tonight....with you, with you...with you!

We both liked this song so much. Weird. Where is this leading to? Uhm, I could only guess. The slippery slope thing strikes anew. Scary but it sure does make me smile.

Miss him terribly. Even if we just spoke last night. Hahaha.

show me some britney love...

i'd hate to be in her shoes...even if they're jimmy choos or blahniks.

i love britney what can i say...

i wish her well..