when the lacrimals give in...

about a week ago, after hearing and realizing some stuff told to me by a superior, i felt the world cave in and just crushed me to bits...

i know i needed it...i know i deserved it...but by god, i never thought i'd be hit like that...

i was contemplating forever if i should or should not and then i did...but now more than before, i can't believe i'm actually entertaining thoughts of doubt and restlessness about my decision...

but hey, i'm back to one piece...

sure it hurt me a great deal...only because this means a lot to me. if it still doesn't work, then maybe i should really give up...and perhaps it's a sign from god that i should move on...

i wish things weren't as complicated.

how i wish i was just waking up to another saturday morning when i was around 8 or 9..back when cartoons were my main priority every single weekend...

i'll always remember that very emotional evening...the lacrimals just wouldn't let up as i locked myself inside the car and just pour it all out.

uhm, i just dont ever wanna feel that way again.

lost in the crossroads...

i busted my right arm a couple of days back and the pain remains 4 days later and i'm getting even more emotional as i attempt to get my mind off it...

psychosomatic? i've been kinna down lately. and it has a lot to do with work.

it just baffles me to pieces why people put so much faith in you...and you- on your part- desperately- and really eagerly try not to let them down...you frustratingly shake your world to make room for whatever...

and then more doubts...more questions...more hesitations...

am i doing the right thing? have i made the right decision? what if i'm just doing this because i thought i could-- and then i really couldn't?

what if i've gotten so involved in this, that i just couldn't turn back? what if it's just pride eating me right now more than anything?

or perhaps i may have overestimated my self.