shapin' up season...

finally...after being a member for a good 2 years,my friend and i have decided to hit the gym. by next month, we'll be forcing ourselves to sweat and shape up gold's gym-style. tina dy, the sales director of the gym happily accommodated me and mayah last night. the concept is kind of exciting but i dunno.this is something i should look forward to, not dread.why should i dread it? i paid for the friggin thing.just have to break my back to pay it some more.hay.but come to think of it, everything now comes with a price tag and it's for my health anyway, so i better be happy to shell out the bucks for the pounds --i must say.
oh, i miss playing the cock..(hmmmh) i meant badminton, okey.the shuttlecock.none of my friends are free to play these days. everyone's just so friggin busy.i've to understand.im guilty myself.

ho-hum tuesday

too many things bothering me today.it shouldn't i know,but i practically have no choice but to get bothered because it involves my grades.since when did i become grade-conscious, eh??? well, i guess when you get older and you feel that you know better now, you tend to expect to get a little more credit now...and the expectations just gets more and more.
so far, i've tried to fix my priorities.at least,i've set goals and i've written down the things that need to be accomplished asap. but something about everything that gets a little too heavy to think about and a little too complicated to comprehend today.it's just today.today just feels different.my horoscope is cryptic as always so that wasn't much of a help. could it be, that i started my day on the wrong foot?is it because dear island boy has dished out some bleeders early today after playing it cool and unnerved?hmmmmh...could only wonder!

doing the bullets...

Random intellectualizations…
•After a week's absence in the blogging world, these are what I have in my head this 'thank-god-it's-payday-friday'the 15th.

•I often catch myself intellectualizing even the most mundane things of late. I dunno. Prolly it’s because I’ve too much time on my hands. I’ve already stopped worrying about school. I already got my transcript which took forever to get processed, by the way. trapik-reportingwise--I am 9 out of 10 this week. I didn’t go to work yesterday morning because, I was simply, depressed. Yup. It was the d-mode. And where could that possibly emanate? Let's just not go there.

•I got my 2nd shot and I mean injection before I hit Dream. Whoaaa, I feel I'm such a grown-up now for not even feeling the sting of the needle. No tears whatsoever.I was expecting to feel a little heavy as what my Ate Lei reminded me to feel...but I didn't. What can I say, I've outdone my long perceived tolerance for pain.

•Found out that Jod,our long lost friend, is just actually around and she's working somewhere in the city and not in the bundoks...

•Got to ride with Warren back to Ortigas. We got to keep track of each other's lives. It was pretty nice to wax nostalgic on a friday. Always been...

•I like the fact that I got more munny this payday than in previous pay days. I amassed a little...hehehe.

•I miss the island boy or the boy named after the island. Cryptic language.

• In relation to my first random thought, lately, I’ve been more observant that I ever was whenever I commute. I practically go OC when I sit on the cabbie or squeeze inside the train or join the Nova peeps take the fx. The other day on my fx ride to the train station, I sat right beside the driver and he was screaming at passengers tryna call their attention. I was the helpless victim to his loud gibberish yells. Grrrr. I had to cover my ears when he was about to do a repeat. How insensitive can you be for a few bucks. Can’t blame the guy, that’s how he earns his keep. Props to his persistence to keep the business rolling.

• We’re celebrating the 5th year anniversary of trapik.com tomorrow via a cruise by the bay. Pretty interesting cuz it’s not everyday you get to board a yacht and just appreciate the scenery no matter how the smell’s like. My problem though is that how the hell would I get there? However I plan to have lunch with a friend in Makati and then ride with her as she heads on over to her work near the bay. Grace promised to pick me up somewhere. Oh,such a baby me...

• I can’t wait to go home!!! I need to lie down and tire my eyes. I’ve been so glued to the boob tube… I never thought I’d be this disgustingly addicted. Thank god for cable for satisfying the need! Which reminds me, I’ve to pay the bills.

• Need to have my pix taken. I need to get me a passport. And need some of them pix too for the licensure exams.

sleep deprived anonymous

something about today. im uber sleepy today at work.almost repeated an area awhile back.hahaha.but that fumble woke me up quickly,which is actually great.
it's my grand kid's birthday today.he's a year old now...while my other grand kid is a year and 2 months today.so the lola had to go to toy kingdom and pick something for them.i've a handful now.two big bags...hehehe.

i bumped into a college buddy, and he's looking pretty happy these days.unlike when i last bumped into him years and years ago when he was still pretty toxic with his work in a record label.guess we all look like we still go to school.well, i know i do, but it seems like we age pretty well. hehehe.anyway, cmc peeps are such a happy bunch.so i guess therein lies the secret.

im having headaches for lunch, how about you? geez.it's killing me.but im tryna take it easy here.thank god for dream...ashanti anyone?gota yashiki on the side, perhaps?

feeling artiste...

just felt like posting this...i'm thinking, which is better? well,2 of them are the same illustration but for symmetry i just had to put it up there as well...you can tell im pretty bored..did that waiting for a report.i love paint! but i love gimp better...too bad we dont have one anymore...hohum! cheerio!

feeling summer fantastic...

i think one of these days, i'd come down with something.temperatures have been pretty crazy lately...it's freezing cold here in my ortigas office...then on my way to nova,ofcourse i'd have to deal with the heat. mind you it's a 30 minute trip aboard a cab.imagine, i burn 170 bucks for my fare. dang!that's why im already immobile if i only have 200bucks. daddddddyyyyyyy!!!

anyway, good news for me.they adjusted the temp at the office..from 23 to 25..yipee!so much better now.

summer summer bummer.i've to wait til june for my summer vacation-er, make that post-summer vacation. well, that's the only few days i could stash from my jobs.sounds sad, right? nah..i'm quite used to it. believe you me,if you had my job.i dunno.maybe it's just me. well, here's to summer!!!

breaking my heart..

we're in search of a dj...and there's this guy who's been out of it and been wanting to come back for the longest time. we've had a couple of reformatting and he still insists...it breaks my heart to refuse him for the nth time. but we've to keep in mind this is not a charity ward either. what a bummer.

work loader...

i often ask myself, how come up to now, im such a crammer?... is there any truth to what most of the people i asked that once a crammer always a crammer? i just got to submit a paper that's been due out about a coupla weeks back. once again, i beat the deadliest deadline. just charmed my way with the professor who's in awe of my job...heheheh..it's a good thing this cramming psyche didn't exactly carry on to my career. thank god this so called d-j'ing career requires more spontaneity and is less structured save for the time frames. hmmmh.i'd say i'm more worked up during the weekends when i do sign on cuz there are more commercials and sponsorships.

as of writing, im playing a shade of blue by incognito...thank god for all these! oh boy, don't i love my job! i just wish they'd pay us more and that'll be it...guess, then i could die! hehehe. and oh, nobody played toshi kubota yet, yipee!!!

oh couldn't wait for the weekend. i wanna hit the spa and relax! my body's already complaining. am i really working too hard? is getting up at 4a and sleeping at around 12a bad? oh maybe i just used to it, it has become my reality...drat....

surprise surprise...

i really thought i's just gonna do 3 today..but nooooooooooooo--im gearing up for 3 more hours...sheesh...but who am i to complain?im just sleepy already...

sunday morning...dream!

i love my playlist today...special mention on jojo's the happy song back-to-back with steppin out by joe jackson..real kicker in the morning...playing the brand new heavies next followed by orup...
but although i'm enjoying going on board and doing all this stuff, im not sure if im going to enjoy the next few weeks without a day off...ack! yup..although i expect an addition 3grand, i might need more for the fix-ups...not that im a druggie but i've been quite lethargic under the sun...oh well!
here's to john mayer whom i have in my playlist for the next few days...hehehehe..shhhhh!

yoshi fix

met up with my friend odette yesterday after work. twas aight...i introduced her to this jap resto chain i like so much...yup, i got my yoshi fix yesterday. stopped myself from buying anymore stuffies i dont really need but i's this close to buying this nifty pen over at the bookstore and this self-help book. but i promised myself im gonna buy that prada pen next week.i just have to fix some stuff before i get to treat myself again to some fantastic splurging fits...hehehehe..

doing 6 this morning....

i'm doing 6 hours today...considering i spent quality social time with friends whom i havent sat down with for the longest time. mosquitoes-withstanding, i had a great time with darline and blair over a 12oz iced tea and grilled rosemary chix sandwich from fig...the life!!!
i've been monitoring the pope's condition and i am quite sad. i've heard stories about really good people struggling with the devil at the onset of death. i dunno how to explain really but i've heard that evil elements test their faith..it happened to mother theresa and other faithfuls. i think the pope won't be an exception. i think we should say goodbye to the most loved, most amiable pope in the catholic history.thank god, we've been a part of his life.

off to jill's...

time to revive my so-called social life...here's to boyet almazan...decadance dude!

up, up and away...

something i did...you wouldnt believe who this kid is...hmmmh...
here's a clue: it's a boy..and he's named after an island...hmmmh...dead giveaway..

on a sad note...

I hope it's just an April Fools' joke...but I am really quite bothered by what's happening to the Pope's condition. I learned about his heart failure and about him receiving his last rites during my boardwork, and when I got to Ortigas and opened msn, I found out that he's in coma already. And then the Vatican took it back and that appeased me, but only for a while. Apparently, he's really in grave condition. I already informed my good friends to pray for him.
I saw him back in 95. I was there in Luneta singing along. It was a really wonderful feeling.
I just feel sad. Undeniably he's the most loved Pope. Like my friend said, God prolly's waiting for him already.

ice water effect

just when my worries are far from over, in comes another one. is it payback time for all the wonderful things i've been enjoying the past few? wait, there weren't so great after all, so please, come on...the pressure has gone stronger today than any other day.and i can't seem to talk about it to anyone else better than myself...
sooner or later, i'd have to decide. but thing is, am i really ready for this?sad fact is, i know i'm not.
this is just like pouring ice water on me on a cold december morning in baguio. i know i wont die of it, but i know i'll never be the same again. gad, what have i done now? geez.

like doing laps in an f1 race, am i ready to go on full throttle or should i go for a pit stop and check on the squeaky front tires? oh gad. i have other worries that need my full attention when this equally important thing came up. oh man, should i ? or should i? bamboozled and discombobulated both won't suffice to describe the state of confusion i am in right now.

i feel that i really have no luck in love. i shouldve thought about this a long time ago. remind me not love my job that much that i couldn't really decide objectively.i have to admit, i had high hopes, and why not, i'm not getting any younger but still, i could only lash out sighs and more sighs. oh man.

time to rethink the possibilities i suppose and work around them...i'm not looking forward to another bucket of ice water, no thanks!

something beautiful...i think!

submitted this as a film review for my sped201 class back in 2002...

----------
Aside from trying to figure out the mathematical explanation for how bad a friend’s tie appeared to be, John Forbes Nash Jr also managed to flush 150 years worth of strongly held economic belief down the drain. He did this during his early years at Princeton University.

Ron Howard’s widely acclaimed bio-pic starts off with the West Virginia prodigy reinventing Adam Smith. The Nash Equilibrium is a theory, which proves that every game reaches a state of equilibrium where none of the players can improve their position and it has been applied to such wide ranging practical subjects as the FCC's auction of bandwidth. Although it’s supposedly Nash’s most trivial work to date, it was brilliant enough to earn for him the Nobel Prize for the Economic Sciences back in 1994.

This was long after he finished battling paranoid schizophrenia. The filmmaker’s intermixing of delusions with realities is effective in that it keeps the audience guessing as to whether Nash is or is not insane. But more importantly, it is successful in showing a broken genius, a man betrayed by his own truths.

The film contains obvious attempts to explain Nash’s sickness. This is evident in a scene where young, cocky Nash loses a board game to a rival. Bitter, he declares: “the game must be flawed!”. This is a metaphor suggestive of how Nash’s frustrations must have led him to retreat to an imaginary world where he is better appreciated.

The last half of the movie shows a humbler, more sociable Nash able to ignore his delusions and to willingly admit in front of all those Nobel folks how his lovely wife actually saved the day.

But that’s strictly for the birds. Nash’s speech contained nothing of that sort. Only, that material is quite consistent with the movie’s marketing pitch: “It is a great gift to have a beautiful mind, but an even greater gift is to have a beautiful heart”. It is a truly classic way of pitting the emotions against the intellect; of equating courage with the former and genius with the latter.

But then genius is no longer believed to be confined in the workings of the mind, to be measured by standardized IQ tests alone. An exceptional ability like that of Nash’s is not even, as they say, a matter of degree but of a different quality of experiencing: vivid, absorbing, penetrating, encompassing, complex, commanding -- a way of being ‘quiveringly’ alive”.

Nash himself was stereotypically portrayed. There are departures from actual accounts meant to make for a ‘softer Nash’, one we can bear to watch at the most comfortable angle to watch him from.

Nash is said to have learned not by studying other people’s works but by rediscovering them for himself. Sure, the guy is brilliant. But his brilliance is coupled with the compelling need to create something. In an autobiography, Nash writes. “ Statistically, it would seem improbable that any mathematician or scientist, at the age of 66, would be able through continued research efforts, to add much to his or her previous achievements. However I am still making the effort and it is conceivable that with the gap period of about 25 years of partially deluded thinking providing a sort of vacation my situation may be atypical. Thus I have hopes of being able to achieve something of value through my current studies or with any new ideas that come in the future”.

It is said that a truly creative mind in any field is no more than this: A human creature born abnormally, inhumanely sensitive. To them... a touch is a blow, a sound is a noise, a misfortune is a tragedy, a joy is an ecstasy, a friend is a lover, a lover is a god, and failure is death.

Nash’s passionate need to go looking for his “original idea” may have brought him to the brink of sanity, but let us not forget it may have redeemed him from it as well.

destiny to fulfill...

I've been working on my paper for the longest time. I think my autistic tendencies are at it again.Argh. But I'm making headway I believe. I just have to give myself sometime to sit down and relax . But that's what I've been doing, haven't I?

Anyway, I just found out that Destiny's Child is really coming to Manila in April. Whoaaa, aren't I excited to see the girls! Go Beyonce...Go Kelly...Go Michelle!!! Time to unearth my DC discography.

Looking forward to this weekend though. My buddies from highschool would be treating us out . Two of them have celebrated their birthdays and so we're in for a fantastic weekend...I just hope to be well by then. I've been sickly the past. To think I haven't been really working that hard. Look I've been procrastinating over my paper for a week and a coupla days already. Sigh!!!

Here's to me and all the hardworking people out there! Cheers!

Back to you...

Back to you
It always comes around
Back to you
I tried to forget you
I tried to stay away
But it's too late

Over you
I'm never over
Over you
Something about you
It's just the way you move
The way you move me
-JOHN CLAYTON MAYER, Back to You

This is my song at the moment. Let's just say somebody just wanted to keep in closer touch. And although so much hurtful things have flown out, the feeling is still satisfying. Words could be poisonous but if you have the antidote for that...then you'd be safe. Love always works!

biting back on reality

It's been more than a month since the goddess wrote, and boy had she had a lot to say in the previous outings. If this were my career I wouldve sucked at it big time and became a hobo. Being busy would be the lamest excuse now. The concept of 'being busy' is definitely beyond me. Sigh!

Anyhow, I've been pondering on the so-called future the past few. Once again, I'm at that point where I am actually thinking about the possibilities. I'm still happy with my jobs. But I still get pressured by certain things: my age, my peers's salaries,my own salary, my health,my big plans...and so on and so forth. Geez, I better do something I know. But unless I get this other thing off my chest and off my head, then I'd be good to go. Certain decisions have to be made. However, I couldn't completely decide yet, because all of a sudden I feel that am I really supposed to decide now? and would that decision really matter now that things seem to be taking a different turn? Ahhh. Life in disarray never fails to amuse anyone. And yes, I'm speaking in tongues now. Again, if this blogging thing is my bread and butter, then I suppose I better start telling my self that I ought to just do away with the bread and butter and enjoy my water. Hehehe.

I have to pick myself up from here on. Last night something life threatening happened to me, and it's quite amazing how I saw myself fast forward to the future and feeling that I would be such a disappointment. Oh garsh... Oh well. Here's to the goddess! More blah blahs!