I really couldn't explain exactly how I'm feeling right now. All I know is that my sensitivities are too hyper for their own good. I know I'm being too tough on myself but I just hate it when I always compromise. I know I shouldn't. I've been telling myself to at least try not to. Oh well. The heavens are with me tonight. Been weeping for the past few. Ack...me the emotional girl I am.
I'm not too happy with work again. I'm at the verge of getting irked, irritated and just losing the drive again. I've been going through this for the past few. If only for driving, I don't think I'd really wanna get up in the morning and wake up to another friggin day at the office. Honestly, I've been struggling to find something good about the job. See, I even refer to it as a job. Whatever happened to me? I dunno.
I'm thinking of Kurt Cobain tonight and how it must've been really hard for him to go on... "better do burn out than fade away".
Right now, can I just rant about not getting what I deserve??? A big drop of sigh.
Muffnote:
I really wonder why I couldn't friggin answer the simple question on how my day went. See, it's not really that easy to articulate my real emotions. Sure, I could dish out the standard reply of "it's pretty good"... but we all know life's not always like that. Makes me think sometimes too, that I'm prolly leading a really boring life or maybe I'm just plain boring. hahahaha...
See, I don't really enjoy going to bars and the like not unless it's work-related. When I get together with friends,it's usually over dinner or over their coffee... (non-drinker is because!!!)I don't really like to dress up to hook up. Not my thing. Well, there was a point in my life that it was like that, but I guess we all grow up and realize that there are more important things to attend to. Time is too precious to spend on things that are least of your priorities.
In a nutshell, I feel I'm in a rut. Stuck!!!
Argh.hhhhellllppp!!!
Wednesday, September 27, 2006
Friday, September 15, 2006
break it down again...
I’m supposed to go to the gym. But something’s keeping me from going. More like someone.. I’t s a little boy named Chanchan. See, he’s leaving by next month. And I’m dreading the day. So now, I make sure I go home as early as possible and spend quality time with him. Earlier today, I drove and treated him to lunch from KFC. I don’t care if I’d been having food delivered everyday now. It’s just money that I’d be able to earn again. What’s important is my baby to remember me. To not forget that his Tetengko absolutely loves him so much. He was still eating when he went with me to the bathroom and just sat in his little chair and watched me. He even sent me away with good wishes when I boarded the trike. I love him deeply. I still remember telling Venus that when she gives birth she‘d better leave the house and not be “pakalat-kalat”. Shamefully, that was exactly what I told her. One of the few things I ever really regret saying. Glad my niece is a bit on the slow side to remember. But you know, Chanchan redeemed everything for her… he was everything we hoped she could be. He’s our little angel. So when he flies to Canada, I really dunno how we would be dealing with things. I’d miss the weekends going to the mall, to the grocery, to the arcade. Gad. I have to stop. I’m missing him already.
Thursday, September 14, 2006
whewww...
An old friend from Broad Ass wrote this and I'm only too happy to share it with just about anyone and everyone...
Read and enjoy...
Props to Rey Christopher Agapay.
--------------------------------
"Rooftop"
SCENE 1. INT. UMAGA. SA ISANG ACCOUNTING FIRM.
Fresh na fresh in a crisp suit na darating si Angel sa opisina. Isa siyang bagong CPA sa kumpanya.
Pagdating niya sa kanyang cubicle, merong isang malaking-malaking gift box. Magtataka siya kung kanino galing. May card na nakasulat kamay na may first name niya. Sa loob, the note reads:
“Wear this and meet me at the rooftop.”
SCENE 2. INT. SAME DAY. SA STAIRWELL LEADING TO THE ROOFTOP OF THE SKYRISE WHERE ANGEL WORKS.
Close-up shot lang ng makintab na Italian leather shoes ni Angel habang mabigat ang mga yabag na umaakyat sa hagdanan. Medyo pagod na siya dahil mga three flights din ang inaakyat niya kasi hindi na umaabot ang elevator du’n.
Masikip pa yata ang sapatos niya kasi hindi pa niya ‘to nabe-break-in nang maayos. (Bagong bili kasi since he started working last week).
SCENE 1. EXT. UMAGA. SA ROOFTOP.
Darating si Angel sa rooftop. Close-up ng mukha niyang pawis nang konti at medyo humahangos.
May figure na nakatalikod sa kanya some 7 meters away. Pinagmamasdan nito an gang skyline. Parang naka-kung anong costume ‘yung tao.
ANGEL
Hello po?
Close-up ng figure habang dahan-dahang humaharap kay Angel.
Makikita ang look of surprise ni Angel. Close-ups pa rin lahat ng shots.
RAY
I wanted to bring you flowers. But I figured it’s better if I be the flower.
Reveal na naka-big flower costume si Ray. As in nakalusot ang ulo niya sa isang headdress na may nakapaligid na malalaking petals sa kanyang mukha. Ang buong katawan niya green na catsuit at may nakausli pang parang giant leaf sa kanyang tagiliran.
FADE IN LOVE SONG
Mangingiti si Angel.
Reveal na siya ay naka-black-and-yellow bumblebee costume.
END.
Read and enjoy...
Props to Rey Christopher Agapay.
--------------------------------
"Rooftop"
SCENE 1. INT. UMAGA. SA ISANG ACCOUNTING FIRM.
Fresh na fresh in a crisp suit na darating si Angel sa opisina. Isa siyang bagong CPA sa kumpanya.
Pagdating niya sa kanyang cubicle, merong isang malaking-malaking gift box. Magtataka siya kung kanino galing. May card na nakasulat kamay na may first name niya. Sa loob, the note reads:
“Wear this and meet me at the rooftop.”
SCENE 2. INT. SAME DAY. SA STAIRWELL LEADING TO THE ROOFTOP OF THE SKYRISE WHERE ANGEL WORKS.
Close-up shot lang ng makintab na Italian leather shoes ni Angel habang mabigat ang mga yabag na umaakyat sa hagdanan. Medyo pagod na siya dahil mga three flights din ang inaakyat niya kasi hindi na umaabot ang elevator du’n.
Masikip pa yata ang sapatos niya kasi hindi pa niya ‘to nabe-break-in nang maayos. (Bagong bili kasi since he started working last week).
SCENE 1. EXT. UMAGA. SA ROOFTOP.
Darating si Angel sa rooftop. Close-up ng mukha niyang pawis nang konti at medyo humahangos.
May figure na nakatalikod sa kanya some 7 meters away. Pinagmamasdan nito an gang skyline. Parang naka-kung anong costume ‘yung tao.
ANGEL
Hello po?
Close-up ng figure habang dahan-dahang humaharap kay Angel.
Makikita ang look of surprise ni Angel. Close-ups pa rin lahat ng shots.
RAY
I wanted to bring you flowers. But I figured it’s better if I be the flower.
Reveal na naka-big flower costume si Ray. As in nakalusot ang ulo niya sa isang headdress na may nakapaligid na malalaking petals sa kanyang mukha. Ang buong katawan niya green na catsuit at may nakausli pang parang giant leaf sa kanyang tagiliran.
FADE IN LOVE SONG
Mangingiti si Angel.
Reveal na siya ay naka-black-and-yellow bumblebee costume.
END.
Laborem not gloriam...
IT'S JUST WORK!!!
That's basically what I try to tell myself whenever I get frustrated. Actually, they're doing me a favor. Less work for me--- fine!!! I'm okey with it.
One day, when I go back to this day, I'll just laugh about it. But today, I feel like getting all angry. Anger's not usually part of my system, but I do get it once in a while.
Props to friends like John of LSfm who always has something good to say to cheer me up. La la la la he goes...something about that "ironic" (pronounced as ayornik) friend he says and his comatosed showbiz career. That made me laugh even harder. Sweet!!!
Anyway, I was supposed to blog about this yesterday but couldn't get myself to do it. Well, fortunately or unfortunately the sentiments are the same today as yesterday.
Another thing that got me down thinking is the imminent migration of my dear little baby grand kid Chanchan to Canada. My bro called up early today telling me to go there as well. I'd want to, I just dunno if this is the right time. I mean, I am really happy here. But I know I'd be sad when Apachichi leaves. He's my sweet little baby...=( Even sadder is the fact that they have to leave before October 27th... whyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy??? It's Christmas time. dang!
Oh well, I need some cheering up to do. I'm really going to the mall today. Find something to buy. Whateveeeerrrr!!!
That's basically what I try to tell myself whenever I get frustrated. Actually, they're doing me a favor. Less work for me--- fine!!! I'm okey with it.
One day, when I go back to this day, I'll just laugh about it. But today, I feel like getting all angry. Anger's not usually part of my system, but I do get it once in a while.
Props to friends like John of LSfm who always has something good to say to cheer me up. La la la la he goes...something about that "ironic" (pronounced as ayornik) friend he says and his comatosed showbiz career. That made me laugh even harder. Sweet!!!
Anyway, I was supposed to blog about this yesterday but couldn't get myself to do it. Well, fortunately or unfortunately the sentiments are the same today as yesterday.
Another thing that got me down thinking is the imminent migration of my dear little baby grand kid Chanchan to Canada. My bro called up early today telling me to go there as well. I'd want to, I just dunno if this is the right time. I mean, I am really happy here. But I know I'd be sad when Apachichi leaves. He's my sweet little baby...=( Even sadder is the fact that they have to leave before October 27th... whyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy??? It's Christmas time. dang!
Oh well, I need some cheering up to do. I'm really going to the mall today. Find something to buy. Whateveeeerrrr!!!
Friday, September 08, 2006
the day i said...ackkkk!!!
What have I learned so far in the 30 years of my life? That life is scary? And a bit unfair at times?
Last Tuesday, I got the biggest scare of my life. My mom met an accident. She slipped on one step of our 4 step staircase. She hit her head on the edge of step and wounded her brow. Seven stitches had to be done to close it. But even before they could do that to her, her bp shot up to 200 over 100, making it even more difficult for the docs to close the bleeding right away. I got the call while I was still at work. I always get scared whenever they call me using the landline.
While I was in transit, it felt like it’s taking me forever to get home. I tried so hard to contain myself. I couldn’t rest easy phoning my brother, my sister, the house. That was a pretty scary trip. I was thinking of what I said before that I couldn’t forgive my dad for his philandering ways. And that whatever hardships my mom is taking is because of him. But right at that very moment, I was thinking that my mom’s faith is strong and God won’t let her down. It was prolly God’s way of talking to my dad. He too was taken aback by the situation. My sister said he started running for help when he saw the blood and couldn’t stand to look at my mom. He too was feeling pain in the chest. Everyone panicked. Who wouldn’t? Even I, myself from kilometers away was worried sick in the cabbie.
But prayer usually works for us. And that was the only thing I could do as I lay in the cab feeling helpless again. Thankfully, my mom, being a fighter that she is, was able to overcome it all. She’s already doing the things she used to do. Going up and down the stairs, going to and from the building sites and all. Hay… I love my mom so much. And it’s times like these that I appreciate the family I got. Yes, even my philandering dad.
A bunch of thanks to all of my friends who wished my mom well. It’s going down to the books folks. Deep in the heart too. Thanks so much.
Last Tuesday, I got the biggest scare of my life. My mom met an accident. She slipped on one step of our 4 step staircase. She hit her head on the edge of step and wounded her brow. Seven stitches had to be done to close it. But even before they could do that to her, her bp shot up to 200 over 100, making it even more difficult for the docs to close the bleeding right away. I got the call while I was still at work. I always get scared whenever they call me using the landline.
While I was in transit, it felt like it’s taking me forever to get home. I tried so hard to contain myself. I couldn’t rest easy phoning my brother, my sister, the house. That was a pretty scary trip. I was thinking of what I said before that I couldn’t forgive my dad for his philandering ways. And that whatever hardships my mom is taking is because of him. But right at that very moment, I was thinking that my mom’s faith is strong and God won’t let her down. It was prolly God’s way of talking to my dad. He too was taken aback by the situation. My sister said he started running for help when he saw the blood and couldn’t stand to look at my mom. He too was feeling pain in the chest. Everyone panicked. Who wouldn’t? Even I, myself from kilometers away was worried sick in the cabbie.
But prayer usually works for us. And that was the only thing I could do as I lay in the cab feeling helpless again. Thankfully, my mom, being a fighter that she is, was able to overcome it all. She’s already doing the things she used to do. Going up and down the stairs, going to and from the building sites and all. Hay… I love my mom so much. And it’s times like these that I appreciate the family I got. Yes, even my philandering dad.
A bunch of thanks to all of my friends who wished my mom well. It’s going down to the books folks. Deep in the heart too. Thanks so much.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)